In-Laws

I’ve come to the conclusion I’m data deficient – specifically as it relates to IN LAWS.  I feel like I’m starting this journey of MIL way behind the curve because I have no point of reference, no experience, no comprehension.

Growing up without a father, I didn’t have an opportunity to know his parents.  My mom and I lived with her mother, and I did get to spend time with my mom’s dad’s mom (great grandma).

When I married neither of our moms were alive, so I wasn’t exposed to any in law blessings or curses.  I’ve asked informally over the last year and find most women have a negative attitude towards their husband’s mother.

Here are a few questions I’d like answers to:

Did you have a relationship with your father’s parents?

See, talk, visit with them regularly?

Did your mom set a positive tone/attitude towards her in laws?

Did she encourage you to know them, write, call, visit, etc.?

If you’re married, what is your relationship with your MIL?  Poor, Fair, Good, Great (thinking Naomi/Ruth).

Do you resent your MIL?

Are you jealous of her?

Do you feel threatened by her?

If you have children do you encourage and/or facilitate a relationship with your husband’s parents/family?  Skype? Calls?  Visits?  Send photos?

If so, how often?

If you have grown children, specifically sons, do you have a good relationship with his wife?

What advice would you give to a young woman about to marry, or a mother about to ‘lose’ her son?

I’m wondering if some of the issues which reside between the 2 most important women in a man’s life isn’t based upon jealously.  Jealousy either on one or both sides.  Does the wife ‘feel’ threatened, you know that OTHER woman.  The first woman he loved.

Does the mother feel threatened because she’s ‘losing’ her son?

I’m interested to hear and receive feedback.

Let me rephrase that...I NEED feedback.  I realize every situation and circumstance is unique, but there should be (statistically) some sense of 'ordinary'.  At the very least varying perspectives (even if you've had no in laws either!) would be beneficial.

You can respond by comment, or if you'd rather keep in personal, via email.

ADDENDUM:

If you didn't or don't have a good relationship with your mother or daughter in law, what could or would you do differently (besides prayer)?  If tension, is it due to faulty communication (either on one or both sides)?  Expectations which may be or may not be realistic?

Scripture states a man shall leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife.  Nothing is said about a wife 'leaving and cleaving', should she?  If one (or both) don't disengage from one's first family could this (or has this) caused friction?