Leaving a Legacy

What is a legacy?

From Dictionary.com:

noun, plural leg·a·cies.
1. Law. a gift of property, especially personal property, as money,by will; a bequest.
2. anything handed down from the past, as from an ancestor or predecessor: the legacy of ancient Rome.
3. an applicant to or student at a school that was attended by his or her parent.
4. Obsolete . the office, function, or commission of a legate.

I was actually going for #2 - but was intrigued by the follow up:

Origin: 1325–75; Middle English legacie office of a deputy or legate <Medieval Latin lēgātia. See legate, -acy

Synonyms
1, 2. inheritance.

An inheritance, hmmm.

I've been pondering over 'who am I?' and 'what purpose do I have?' now that my children are grown and gone.  I'm extremely glad they are making their own lives, but, my oh my, what a transition.  I don't know if my my neck issues have fueled my, wow I feel worthless, or just a combination of realizing I am truly alone.  So what now?

It's not that I haven't work, for which I am REALLY grateful, or friends (but most are married or have other responsibilities, which limits what we can do), but learning to discover who I am, again.

I remember going through something similar when my ex-husband left...thinking, so who am I and what do I like to do?  Which, at the time, didn't seem as hard to figure out.  I still had children (4 and 6) in the home, which gave me a routine (security, anchor).  I was much younger.

I'd kept myself pretty busy - square dancing, hiking, paddling, work, church, redoing the house (yeah I'm not done, yet).  Sidelined basically everything but work and church, so whom am I?  Is this 'normal?'

Seems I'm not the only one, whether you're a SAHM or one who had/does work outside the home.  Encouraging too, it's not just women who have to adjust to the new season, men suffer too.  If you can call that encouraging...perhaps not the best wording.  It's difficult for both genders, to transition, learn to grasp the reality that YOU (me, we, us) are no longer the center of our children's universe.

It's a normal transition, leaving.  Just as changes in season.  Some seasons are looked forward with great anticipation, such as a birth, while other seasons bring a 'death'.  I'm thinking of fall and winter, where 'life' seems to dwindle down, shuttering itself away, hibernating, waiting for another spring.  So that's where I am, learning to live with the reality of limitations and aging (yes, I know I'm NOT that old!), but still there are changes as we age and the reality of it sometimes jars us.

So what about a legacy, what have I left for my children to inherit?  Physical wealth means nothing in the long term, have I give them the tools and foundation for living a life sold out to the Lord?  Have I shown them what it means to be responsible, conscientious adults?

I'm taking comfort in this article I recently read, "Missionary Died Thinking He was a Failure; 84 Years Later Thriving Churches Found Hidden In the Jungle."

84 years later - he didn't know when he left the mission field, or until he'd passed onto glory, he'd made a difference.  (I'm assuming somehow he'd know once he was glorified - how I don't know, maybe just hopeful thinking.)

EIGHTY FOUR (84) years later, the result of his work, dedication, sacrifice is made known.  

What am I doing now, beyond the field of child rearing, to plant in His vineyard?  I feel so selfish and self centered, so self absorbed with myself.

Lord show me how how to live a life dedicated to You, without selfish pity parties, completely sold out and proclaiming You in all.  Lord help all of Your children as we grapple with changes, adjustments, deprivation...and the positives too!

Help us to focus on the end of the 'row' versus the roots and rocks as we plow Your fields.  Help us to leave a legacy not about us, but about a life lived in complete abandonment to You.