Words + NO action = LIES

We all have, from time to time, (hopefully not intentionally) said we'd do something, be somewhere, perform some task and didn't follow through.

However, if this is a standard, it may be passive-aggressive behavior. Say what?

You know someone (or yourself) says one thing, but then doesn't follow through - because of the inability to say NO, or to express negative feelings (dislike, anger, resentment).

So are you, or someone you know, engaging in passive-aggressive behavior?

Below are some identifying behaviors from a variety of sites. We're all works in progress, specifically as the Lord transforms us from the inside out. Ultimately we all need to remember:

We are responsible for everything in our lives. Once we are confronted about our behavior (either through the Word of God, a fellow saint, a talking donkey) we need to make a choice to prayerfully change our behavior.

Passive Aggressive Behavior

1. Fear of intimacy due to lack of trust.
2. Playing the victim - rather than recognizing weakness, a person who is exhibiting passive aggressive behavior may blame others for their own failures.
3. Creating excuses in the workplace for being under-productive while working in a team.
4. Forgetfulness - in a means to win an argument, a passive aggressive individual will consistently "conveniently forget" or deny the actual events.
5. Withdrawing from people by using the "cold shoulder" to avoid confrontation or connections with others.
6. Being ambiguous in speech and actions - this creates a feeling of insecurity for others while disguising their own insecurities.
7. Creating chaos.
8. Punishing others by being intentionally inefficient - such as being late or forgetting important things.
9. Sulking when he or she does not get their way.
10. Fear of becoming dependent upon another.
11. Giving the "cold shoulder" during an argument - often the silent treatment is given in order to avoid conflicts or win an argument.
12. Fear of competition.
13. Creating excuses for poor performances and inability to follow through on tasks.
14. Using obstructionism as a means to delay or prevent a process or change.

From Dr. Phil: A few tips for dealing with a passive-aggressive:

Don't feel guilty.  Remember that you're not to blame for someone else's passive-aggressive behavior.

Refuse to play their game.  Because a passive-aggressive personality doesn't know how to respond appropriately to conflict, he or she will most likely deny everything. It's important to express your concerns and anger, but stick to the facts at hand and how his or her actions make you feel.

Confront their dishonesty.  Not confronting the passive-aggressive behavior will only reinforce it. Confront the person immediately and let him or her know you are confused by the behavior. If they value the relationship, he or she has to stop the behavior.

Don't let them get away with bad behavior.  Instead of letting the person off the hook and allowing him or her to continue the behavior, try to create an atmosphere in which he or she might feel more comfortable sharing feelings of anger, resentment, fear, etc.

8 Examples of Passive Aggressive Behavior:

1. Resenting the demands of others
2. Deliberate procrastination
3. Intentional mistakes
4. Hostile attitude
5. Complaints of injustice and lack of appreciation
6. Disguising criticism with compliments
7. The last punch
8. The silent treatment

Confronting Passive Aggressive Behavior

Procrastination
Behaving beneath customary standards
Pretending not to see, hear, remember, or understand requests
The silent treatment
Sulking & withdrawal
Gossiping

I liked this article and it's encouragement on how to deal or cope more effectively: How to Spot and Deal With Passive-Aggressive People

1. Don’t Overreact. Reduce Personalization and Misunderstanding.
2. Keep Your Distance Whenever Possible.
3. Don’t Try to Change Them.
4. Don’t Get Sucked In. Avoid Tit for Tat.
5. In Relatively Mild Situations, Display Superior Composure Through Appropriate Humor.
6. In Serious Situations, Proactively Deal with the Problem Early On and Formalize Your Communication.
7. Give the Passive-Aggressive a Chance to Help Solve the Problem, If Appropriate.
8. Set Consequences to Lower Resistance and Compel Cooperation.

Being a Christian doesn't mean you allow people to walk all over you. Boundaries in relationships are good. Communication takes more than one person. Prayer, as well as forgiveness is crucial.

Rom 12:9 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.

Rom 12:10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.

May the Lord help each of us to grow in His grace and mercy, extending where necessary, recognizing and relinquishing our 'rights' while still maintaining healthy relationships. Cover all in prayer.