A Husband Who Leads

Isn't that what most married women want? And single ladies in hopes of marrying want?  This question, or a form of it, came up in our Lies study, Chapter 6 (marriage). "If my husband is passive, I've got to take the initiative or nothing will get done."

I came across the blog post below from Pyromaniacs a while back and held onto...and reread it tonight, bulls eye!

"are you the sort of wife you would want to lead, if you were in your husband's shoes?"

Ouch...here's the entire article by Dan Phillips
Are you sure you want a husband who...?  ...leads?

I was a young(er), inexperienced pastor, and befriended two church members. Both were long-timers, very active, seemed like good folks.

As I got to know them better, I got the message very clearly from "Suzy": she was really frustrated with "Bill," because Bill just wouldn't lead. Suzy made this known in many ways, over and over. Bill was not leading, Suzy really wanted him to, she was really bitter and angry and frustrated over it.

Well I was youngish and green, and my dutiful goal was clear to me: I needed to work with Bill, help him become a leader in that marriage. So I spent time with Bill, worked with him, made suggestions. Bill was initially a bit leery but not unwilling. In fact, he became very cooperative.

The result? Bill became an effective leader, Suzy was radiantly happy, both praised and honored God, both loved me, and they remain dear friends to this day.

...

That sound you just heard, in that pause? It was 97% of the pastors reading this, laughing bitterly and saying "Riiiight!"

Those pastors can tell you what really came next. Suzy was not happy with Bill or with me, and both ended up hating me. Why? I'm sure many of you will assume I did things wrong, and I won't disagree with you. But the bottom-line was that Suzy did not want a leader for a husband, and Bill's reticence was a form of self-protection forged from that conflict.

Bill's shortcomings gave Suzy what she really wanted. She really wanted something to complain about in her husband. She wanted a tale to tell on him in gatherings. She wanted something to bring her sympathy and commiseration, to make her look martyred and longsuffering. It fed into her self-image. And she wanted to stay in charge.

Take away from that, and she lost something dear to her. See, everyone does what (s)he does because (s)he believes it will bring happiness. So this poor woman was batting away what sheneeded by the very things she did in pursuit of what she wanted. And I was sap enough to come between her and it, in kind of aProverbs 26:17 no-win situation.

Ladies, does any of that strike any chord within you, any "ouchy" chord? Look, it's just you and me, nobody's watching. You can be candid. You grouse about your poor schlub of a husband who doesn't initiate this and doesn't pursue that and doesn't decide for himself and do the other thing. Maybe your pastor and girlfriends know how frustrated you are. Maybe your pastor knows. Worst of all, maybe your children even know.

Let me ask you just two questions, as I've asked many more elsewhere.

First question: have you possibly contributed to his abdication?

Note the careful wording. Every man's sin is his own, as is every woman's. But God gave you to him to help him (Genesis 1:26); so you do have a crucial, God-given role in his life. He needs this from you. Are you giving it?
Proverbs 14:1 says, "Feminine wisdom builds her house, but feminine denseness tears it down with her own hands" (my translation). I've often thought "hands" could also be "tongue." God has given you a very powerful tongue, which you can use for good, to make him feel like a king (Proverbs 12:4a), or for evil, to eat out the very bones from within him (Proverbs 12:4b). But if you're wise, you will commit yourself to do your husband nothing but good, ever, whether with hands or tongue (Proverbs 31:11-12).

So how does he feel about leading you? Does his heart sing at the prospect? Or does he wince and cringe and groan, because he knows every decision will be faulted, criticized, found wanting, and countered; every mistake will noted, analyzed, and commented on; and every success will be minimized or credited elsewhere? Were I to ask your husband who his most loyal admirer and supporter was, would your name leap to his smiling lips? Should it?
Your husband listens to you better than you think he does, very possibly better than you listen to yourself. He hears you. What you say has an impact. If he's off in a corner somewhere rolled up into a ball, it may say all sorts of horrible things about him. But I'm not talking to him right now. I'm talking to you. And I'm asking you — have you played any part in that?
Second question: do you really want him to become a leader?

You see, the thing about a leader is he leads. That doesn't mean that he always demands his way, untouched by others' input. That's a fool, not a leader (Proverbs 12:15; 13:10; 15:22; 20:18). But it does mean that he will lead, that he will make the final decision. And it means that you must follow, and that not in a formal, outward, dotted-i-but-resentful-hearted way; you should follow respectfully and from the heart. At least, that's what God says (Ephesians 5:22f.; 1 Peter 3:1-6 [remember this post?]).

Now it is possible that you'd have 40, 50, 75 years of married bliss in which every notion your husband has just happens to be exactly what you'd have thought of yourself. Meanwhile, here on Planet Earth, odds are in the other direction. And what do you do in that case? Undergird, or undermine? Embrace or embitter?

Another thing is you may have to doff the martyr-cap, stop blaming your unhappiness on your husband, and deal seriously with the Lord. Maybe you have issues with being a woman, as God defines femininity. Lot of that going around, and sadly it has a lot of "cover" from the spirit of the age and creampuff "evangelicals." But anytime we think we have a better idea than God, we're back in Eden doing the Eve-thing that (after her husband's compliance) got us into this mess in the first place.

Remember, too: "leading" does not mean "doing what you want him to do without your having to tell him."

If any of this hits anywhere near where you live, sister, you need to do some serious work. It's important, it matters. You need to start with the premise that God's "dumbest" idea about womanhood is light-years better than your "brightest" idea. You need to start there, and work it out. Yourself, before God. Youtake up your cross, to die to your personal ideas of femininity in order that you might rise to God's ideas of femininity. That isn't your pastor's job or your husband's job. It's your job.

Otherwise, you really truly need to revisit the whole core of what it means to be a Christian. I am not saying you aren't a Christian; I am suggesting that maybe you have forgotten for a moment what it means, in practical terms, to be a Christian.

Much more could be said, but maybe this is enough to think over, for one short post in a blog.

But in parting I will try to sum it all up in one final pointed question: are you the sort of wife you would want to lead, if you were in your husband's shoes?

So ladies are we just giving 'lip' service or actually, sacrificially acting in accordance with the Word of God...with whomever He has placed in authority in your life?

Caffeine – The World’s Most Widely Used Psychoactive Drug

Caffeine is the world’s most widely used psychoactive drug. Sounds like a bad thing, but doesn’t have to be.

Coffee (the biggest source of caffeine) also happens to be the biggest source of antioxidants in the western diet and consumption of it has been associated with various health benefits in epidemiological studies.

The second largest source of caffeine worldwide is tea, which tends to provide a moderate amount of caffeine, depending on the type.

Caffeine causes stimulation of the central nervous system, increases vigilance and reduces drowsiness.

Caffeine has several proposed mechanisms, the main one is that it is believed to block an inhibitory neurotransmitter called Adenosine at certain synapses in the brain, leading to a net stimulant effect.

Adenosine is believe to increase in the brain throughout the day, building up a kind of a “sleep pressure.” The more Adenosine, the greater the tendency to fall asleep. Caffeine partly reverses this effect (1).

The main difference between the caffeine in coffee and tea, is that tea has a lot less of it.

Whereas a strong cup of coffee can provide 100mg, 200 or even 300mg of caffeine, a cup of tea may provide 20-60mg.

To read the entire article click --> HERE.

Chapter 6 - Lies Women Believe About Marriage

I have to admit, this chapter was tough, very tough.  As a previously married woman (divorced) and now single there was quite a bit to work through!

I'm focusing on Question #3 in the book - renew your mind (your thinking) by the Word of God. Read the following passages aloud.  What do these verses reveal about God's perspective on marriage in general and a wife's role in particular.

Heh...I just noticed it said read ALOUD.

Mark 10:6-9 - But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

God's perspective?  He made them male and female, not male to male, nor female to female.  They weren't confused about their gender.  They are to set up house as a new unit, belonging solely to one another.  I find it interesting that the man is told to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife; yet a woman isn't told to the same.  I wonder if this falls into that same category of a woman needing exhortation on respecting her husband and he needing to be reminded to love her.

The number two means division - while one means unity - a man and a woman (husband and wife) becoming one flesh represents unity - just as the Father and the Son are one.

God joining a man and a woman, so can a man and woman be joined outside of God?  Hmmm. Regardless of how they came to be man and wife, God's intent is that they remain together.  Though that makes me think of how when Israel came back into the land from captivity, the men were told to put away their strange wives and children (Ezra 10).  How does that balance out?  Put away, yet don't put away?

Proverbs 31:10-12 - Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. 

A woman of great value - trustworthy, dependable, faithful.  A woman should seek to be such a woman, and a man to find such a gem.

Ephesians 5:23-24 - For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. 

Ephesians 5:32-33 - This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

Submission - to a man *sigh* - but in reality its to the Lord, regardless if one sought the guidance of the Lord (parents, accountability partners, pastors, friends, etc.) as a woman who is in Christ our responsibility (whether married or not) is to T-R-U-S-T the Lord.  This is incredibly hard!  I've had both 'sides' of the coin.  Married, yet needing to trust in the Lord, waiting upon Him and His guidance and wisdom in and through a very difficult marriage.

Waiting upon HIM, crying to Him at times, pleading with Him, resting in Him regarding being single.  I waver back and forth, wanting to be married and then thinking no, its not His will.  I've spoken unadvisedly with my lips vowing never to remarry (when my husband first left).  Have I vowed a vow that He heard and is holding me to?  Should I pray for a husband?  I know I am supposed to be content in whatever state I am, regardless of what His future plans may be, but it is at times extremely difficult!  It still is trusting in Him - whether its yes, wait or no.  Trusting Him to help me be content - that same level of trust in and of the Lord for a married woman with her husband.  It all truly comes back to trusting Him.

A husband is to love his wife - sacrificially, just as Christ sacrificially gave himself for His bride.  Will a man do it perfectly?  If he's not trying at all, what does a woman do?  Trust, pray, seek His counsel and guidance, if necessary outside counsel (depending upon the situation and circumstance).

A woman is to reverence - R-E-S-P-E-C-T - her man - this isn't easy!  Does this give the man a 'free pass' to not love her?  No.  If the man isn't loving, does this give the woman a 'free pass' to not respect her husband?  No.  It is a trust and obey issue for both - and forgiveness when they fall or fail to live up to God's standards or human expectations.

1 Peter 3:1-6 - Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. 

I have to be honest - the whole Sara thing, it baffles my brain.  I mean really?  Twice Abraham gives, or allows Sara to be 'wed' or 'betrothed' to another man, all the while married to him! 

Really?  I'm sorry, but I don't think I could go that route.  Now to put it in perspective, Sara really had no choice - a woman is owned by her husband (this one baffles me as well, and how, or if, it has a sustainable position today).  She had no money, nothing of 'hers' - if you will.  She has to go.  Yet she didn't make a scene, didn't say a word, didn't slip a note to the king - 'psst, hey, I'm really already married to Abraham.'

She waited patiently - and maybe that's the whole point, not what she had to wait patiently on - each woman's situation will be different, but she must wait upon the Lord.  Trusting him.  Yet, when it came to trust, Sara tried to 'help' God by giving Hagar (her Egyptian maid) to Abraham as a surrogate mother.  What a mess her 'solution' made!

What are we called to 'wait upon the Lord' for and are trying to 'help' God out?  Manipulating or being devious in trying to orchestrate situations and/or circumstances to have it 'turn out right?'  Oh, ladies, let's be honest, when we get a bee in our bonnets, we will 'work' it from every angle.  Not always, but we sure do run a host of plans through the mental mill.  Wait, I say, wait upon the Lord and He will give HIS answer in due season.

Isa_40:31  But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Psa_37:9  For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.

Role of Husband

Courtesy of Free Bible Study.

What is the role of the husband in marriage? Many ideas abound from extremely passive to absolute dictator. With humanistic attacks on marriage and the family, the role of the husband has been clouded and confused. If you add to this common misunderstandings of Scriptural authority and Biblical principles, it is amazing the amount of pressure that is placed on men.
If marriages and families are going to be healthy we must understand and apply God's requirements for all family members. So what are God's requirements for husbands? [Note: there are many "roles" of a man but this report focuses on the role of a man as husband.]

God has designed the world around a system of authority. Everyone is under someone's authority. Ultimately, all authority is delegated authority under God. The person who exercises authority [or refuses to do so] is responsible to God. Misuse of authority in any sphere - government, family, church, etc - leads to the judgment of God for misrepresenting the character of God.

The authority structure, as it relates to the family, places the husband and wife as a team much like the President and the Vice President. They should work together to build a life and the Kingdom of God by solving problems in a Biblical way. However, in cases where agreement cannot be reached, someone must have the authority to make the final decision. God has placed that authority in the husband.

"For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body." Eph. 5:23

Many times we sinfully stop at the first phrase. We stress that the husband is the head of the wife while ignoring the rest of the sentence. The husband is to be the head of the wife in the same way that Christ is the head of the Church and is its Saviour.

How is Christ the head of the Church? He is the Leader of the Church, but all His decisions are made for the benefit of the Church. He makes NO decisions from selfish motives. Sometimes He makes hard decisions, but always for the ultimate benefit of the Church. In fact, His love for the Church went so far as the giving up of His body to torture and death for her.

In the same way, the husband may need to make tough decisions, but they are to always be for the benefit of his wife and children. He is to always place their needs and desires above his own. As a human being, the husband deals with his own sinful nature and needs the counsel of his wife on reaching the best decisions. God placed them together as a team. However, when the time for a decision comes, he is the one who stands responsible before God for making it...and for its consequences. It is a heavy responsibility, not a power trip.

The husband cannot be the saviour of his wife in the same way that Christ is the Saviour of the church. Only Christ's Blood can bring forgiveness of sin. He is; nevertheless, to lead his wife in the ways of God. He is to study and know the Word of God and develop his own relationship with God so he can lead in Godly ways. And just as Christ gave His life for the Church, the husband must be willing to sacrifice his physical life if necessary to save the life of his wife. Part of this also includes, as we have written elsewhere, making sure his wife is properly cared for should he die before she does. It should be obvious from the above that the husband is not an independent authority. He only has legitimate authority as he is submitted to the authority of Christ. He does not make decisions or take actions based on his own feelings, desires, or wisdom. He must study and know the Word of God, be submitted to it, and apply it in love.

So, husbands, you are the managers under God of your home. You are responsible before God for everything that goes on in it. If there isn't enough love [or anything else] in the home, don't complain, don't blame your wife. It's your fault...and your responsibility to take charge and fix it with Godly solutions.

Husbands, you cannot do this on your own. It will break you. You need the power of the Holy Spirit...and you need an assistant. God, in His wisdom, provided you with a lovely and competent assistant.

"And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." Gen. 2:21-23
This is one reason why the husband/wife relationship is the most important human relationship. It is more important than the parent/child relationship. It is more important than the husband's or wife's relationship with their own parents. Certainly, it is vastly more important that relationships with friends outside the home. The husband/wife relationship is the priority relationship. Only our relationship with God is more important.

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Gen. 2:24

The husband is to take time to understand and minister to his wife. This is especially important in the first year of marriage when so much change and adjustment is taking place [Deut. 24:5, Col. 3:19]. Take time out from the business of life to enjoy your wife. Dating does not stop when you get married! Continue to have fun together [Ecc. 9:9].

In line with this, the husband is to be an encourager. It is so tempting to criticize, complain, and make hurting comments. That is not how Christ treats His Church. He treasures it. A husband should treasure his wife. He should take every opportunity to build her up and encourage her. He should be her biggest promoter and should take Godly pride when she is successful in any area of life.

"Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her." Pr. 31:28

Another role of the husband is to be his wife's lover. A husband should met his wife's sexual needs. Sex is to be an act of giving, it is being more concerned about fulfilling the needs of the wife than receiving fulfillment. The husband must understand that his wife views sex differently and different things minister to her needs. He must be gentle and kind. He must not be too proud to ask his wife what meets her desires. Researching with Christian, tasteful but detailed books [like Act of Marriage or Intended for Pleasure] is recommended. Note: Trying to use X-rated movies or other  pornographic material to improve the sexually relationship is sinful and extremely harmful to the relationship.

"And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." Gen. 2:25

"The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife." 1 Cor. 7:4

This report is not intended to bring condemnation, but to challenge us. If our relationship is less than it should be, we need to take responsibility, find the Biblical solutions, and then apply them. We may need to humbly seek the forgiveness of our wife for having failed her. Real leaders are humble people. Then we prove the sincerity of our repentance by changing to become Godly husbands. May God help us for with Him all things are possible, but without Him failure is inevitable.

What if a man's wife does not follow his leadership? Should he try to force her to submit? How does Christ deal with His Church when it doesn't submit to Him? Jesus continues to lead. He does not compromise Godly principles to gain cooperation. He continues to love and provide for His Church. His love is shown in His faithfulness and care even when His Church does not deserve it. He does not use violence or manipulation to attempt to force or trick His Church into obedience. Certainly it is a difficult position to be in, but study the actions of Christ with His Church for the principles of how to operate.

Most wives will not have a problem with submission if they know their husbands are genuinely following God and doing their best for their wives and families. Only if the wife is committing a Biblical divorce offense does that become an option. No husband is required to remain married to a woman who deliberately pursues a sinful life-style.

Finally, is the role of the husband different for Christians and non-Christians? No, God's standards in every area of life are the same for His entire human creation. As sinful creatures we will always fall below the perfect standard set by Christ; however, empowered by the Holy Spirit, it should be our goal. We should never be satisfied with less than the best. It is a shame of Christian men that many non-Christians show more love for their wives than they do.

Role of Wife

Courtesy of Free Bible Study.

Like a man, a woman has many roles in life. However, being a wife is her primary role under God. This is the reason she was originally created.

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Gen. 2:18

This means that the role of a wife is more important than the role of a mother. The role of a mother is vital, but it grows out of and is under the ministry of being a "help meet." This does not mean that a single woman is incomplete. If God asks an adult woman to remain single - either for a season or permanently - in a special way, He becomes her Husband.

There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit... 1 Cor. 7:34

[Side note: The above verse is not saying that sex within marriage is wrong, an inferior way, or "dirty." The main meaning of holy is separated to God. It is simply saying that the unmarried woman is totally separated to God.]

So what is the ministry and role of a wife? She is called to be a helper to her husband. Her husband cannot accomplish his God-given mission without her. She is a vital part of the team that God placed together in a marriage partnership. She should be aware of the vision God has given her husband and her place in it. A Godly woman has her place of authority and honour in bringing God's vision to pass in the sphere of influence in which He has placed them.

What Are Some Of A Wife's Responsibilities?

She is to be a counselor. She is to give her husband sound, Biblical advice. Eve acted as a counselor, which was her role, but she gave evil advice. Adam knew the advice was wrong, but he followed it anyway. The same thing happened with Ahab and Jezebel [1 Kings 21:25]. A woman can have a great influence on her husband's decisions for better or worse. Sometimes she may not be able to explain to her husband why she thinks a course of action is right or wrong. A husband should always take the advice of his wife seriously. Many a husband in pride has ignored his marriage partner's "feelings" to great financial or personal loss.

And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women. Luke 1:28

God spoke to a wife-to-be, Mary, about the coming of the Messiah before He spoke to Joseph. We see the same thing in Judges 13. The Angel of the Lord came and spoke to the wife before her husband.

In Judges 13, Manoah was fearful because of the revelation of God. His marriage partner was able to logically answer her husband's fears.

And Manoah said unto his wife, We shall surely die, because we have seen God. But his wife said unto him, If the LORD were pleased to kill us, he would not have received a burnt offering and a meat offering at our hands, neither would he have shewed us all these things, nor would as at this time have told us such things as these. Judges 13:22-23

As a counselor, a wife should be careful to maintain her relationship with God and knowledge of the Word of God. [The husband, of course, should also have a priority of knowing God as he is directly under Christ.] Many times a women is more spiritually sensitive [Matt. 15:28]. That is a blessing...but also a danger - which is one reason why she must submit to her husband. She may also expand her knowledge by studying specific areas that her husband is likely to need counsel.

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Pr. 31:30

A wife is also a helper. She assists her husband to accomplish God's mission for their lives. She has authority under her husband. The two marriage partners are to be united in one purpose - serving Christ in whatever way He was designed.

Proverbs 31 Woman

Proverbs 31 is the classic picture of a wife in the position God has designed for her. It should be noted that every one has different talents and abilities. The idea is one of partnership, hard work, and diligence, not that every wife should be a real estate agent or business woman.

What are some quick points we see about this honoured marriage partner?

1. Vs. 10 She is more valuable to her husband that any other person or thing on the planet. Many a husband has lost his marriage partner or hurt his marriage because he has failed to appreciate the wonderful gift from God that she really is. A Godly woman is a treasure to be sought [Pr. 12:4, 18:22, 19:14]. If a woman wants a Godly husband she should make sure she is the kind of Godly woman that such men seek for.

2. Vs. 11-12 She is trustworthy. Her husband can go to work or look after other matters of life, confident that his marriage partner is competently and diligently working for their mutual benefit. No matter what she is doing, he knows that she is doing her best and not wasting her time or their resources.

3. Vs. 13, 19, 27 She is not afraid of work to provide for her family. If she is not talented at making clothes, she may search the second hand stores for good quality clothes for her family. New things are nice but, especially if funds are tight, she is creative at getting the best for her husband and family at reasonable cost.

4. Vs. 14, 18 She knows where the food and other sales are. She also knows if it will cost more in gas and time than the savings for travelingfrom store to store. She knows how to find nutritious food to keep her family healthy.

5. Vs. 15, 21 She is diligent to look after everyone under her care. She is concerned that they are treated fairly.

6. Vs. 16, 24 She has a good business sense. She knows what she can do to turn a good and fair profit. She may operate a home business, plant a garden, or do any of a million other things to help and strengthen herhome.

7. Vs. 20 She is compassionate and willing to help those in trouble. She is not so wrapped up in her husband and her family that she cannot see the needs of others. She can see the big picture and the place of her family in it.

8. Vs. 22 She does not neglect herself. She knows how to care for her appearance and dress beautifully.

9. Vs. 23 Her husband is a well-respected man of honour. He is known in his area of influence as a wise and trustworthy man.

10. Vs. 25-26 She is wise and knows how to control her tongue. She is an encourager and a person who builds her family and others. [Pr. 14:1]

11. Vs. 28-30 Her children and her husband respect and admire her.

12. Vs. 31 She has earned many blessings and rewards and should be allowed to enjoy them to the fullest. A husband should be delighted when his wife receives recognition and praise.

13. She can have a position of ministry in the church. [Ex. 15:20, Judges 4:4, 2 Kings 22:14, Luke 2:36, Ex. 35:22-29, Phil. 4:3]

What About Submission?

This is sometimes used as a tool to manipulate and control. What does God really mean by submission?

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Eph. 5:22 [Eph. 5:24, Col. 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1]

Does this mean she is a servant - or a slave - to her husband's whims? No. The husband is to be in submission to Christ and His Word. [There is never a time when any human being is not to be in submission to someone!] The wife is a co-ruler with him. They are a team, a partnership for building the Kingdom of God. God designed them to be interdependent [1 Cor. 11:11-12] not independent. The female marriage partner is like the Vice-President. She has her realm of authority under the direction of her husband. God has a line of authority and her husband is ultimately responsible directly to God for everything that goes on under his care. It is team work; however, someone must have the final say and responsibility. God has chosen that this is the husband. His wife should recognize this heavy responsibility and help him bear it.

Does a wife have to obey her husband if she disagrees with his decision[s]? As with any partnership, every effort should be made to reach an ethical agreement or compromise. However, if an agreement cannot be reached then a Godly lady must follow her husband's decision as long as the decision is not in violation of the Word of God. If the decision is in direct violation of God's Word, then the higher priority of following God means respectful disobedience is required. [There is never a time when a wife can treat her husband with disrespect or contempt.]

What happens if the wife is married to an ungodly man?

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 1 Cor. 7:14

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation [Old English for entire lifestyle] of the wives... 1 Peter 3:1

The non-Christian husband must still be submitted to. Sometimes wives try to win their ungodly husbands to Christ by criticism, "witnessing", trying to force him to go to church, etc. Loving submission - as to Christ - and a Godly lifestyle are the best witnesses. Only if the husband is committing a Biblical divorce offense does that become an option. [See Divorce: God's Protection For The Innocent]. No woman is required to be submissive to an abusive husband.

One further note: A wife [specific woman] is to be submissive to her husband [specific man]. It is not saying that a woman is to be submissive to every man. [Num. 26:6]

What does a wife have the right to expect from her husband? - trustworthy man of God and honour [Mal. 2:14, Eph. 5:23] - protection - financially, physically, emotionally [Eph. 5:25] - priority relationship [ Gen. 2:24, Matt. 19:5] - love [Col. 3:19, Eph. 5: 25, 33] - sex [Gen. 2:25, Ex. 21:10, 1 Cor. 7:2-4] - provision [Ex. 21:10] - consideration [1 Peter 3:7] - respect [no belittling remarks] [1 Peter 3:7, Deut. 22:16-19] - co-operation [1 Peter 3:7]*

Note: The many teachings of Scripture on how Christians are to treat each other have a special application to marriage.

*Expectations - I'll follow up on this in another post as I've been pondering upon it.

Lies Study - Chapter 4

I started this post a while back, but 'shelved' it to work on some other areas that captured my attention.  Since then, I've done a post on Chapter 5 and we're preparing for Chapter 6 - so I am now officially backtracking.  :-D

From the companion study book of Lies Women Believe, the question was:

Chapter 4, Day 2, Question #2:  Read Galatians 5:19-21. List the acts of the flesh. While different sins may have different consequences, are any of these sins 'less sinful' than the others in God's eyes?

I've read this list before, several times in fact, but haven't ever really stopped to ponder upon each one and try to gain a better understanding...one word in particular 'jumped' out at me.  Witchcraft.  I'd recently read a blog post (Why is the Charismatic Movement Thriving in Africa?) about how the charismatic movement in Africa was similar in practice to that of witch doctors.  When we have the wrong mind set about something, we're more apt to swallow anything.  Lies, sweet little lies.

Adultery - G3430 - From G3431; adultery. (Used 4x in 4 verses)

• G3431 - From G3432; to commit adultery.
• G3432 - Perhaps a primary word; a (male) paramour; figuratively apostate.

Apostate - that's an interesting word.  From dictionary.com:  a person who forsakes his religion, cause, party, etc.

Fornication - From G4203; harlotry (including adultery and incest); figuratively idolatry. (Used 8x in 7 verses)

• G4203 - From G4204; to act the harlot, that is, (literally) indulge unlawful lust (of either sex), or (figuratively) practise idolatry.
• G4204 - Feminine of G4205; a strumpet; figuratively an idolater.
• G4205 - From πέρνημι pernēmi (to sell; akin to the base of G4097); a (male) prostitute (as venal), that is, (by analogy) a debauchee (libertine).
• G4097 - The first is a reduplicated and prolonged form of the second (which occurs only as an alternate in certain tenses); contracted from περάω peraō (to traverse; from the base of G4008); to traffic (by travelling), that is, dispose of as merchandise or into slavery (literally or figuratively).

My, I'm interested to know the definition of idolatry listed below.

Uncleanness - G167 - From G169; impurity (the quality), physically or morally.  (Used 10x in 10 verses)

• G169 - From G1 (as a negative particle) and a presumed derivative of G2508 (meaning cleansed); impure (ceremonially, morally (lewd) or specifically (demonic)).

Lasciviousness - From a compound of G1 (as a negative particle) and a presumed σελγής selgēs (of uncertain derivation, but apparently meaning continent); licentiousness (sometimes including other vices). (Used 9x in 9 verses)

Also translated as wantonness and filthy conversation.  What is continent? Not as in land mass.  Dictionary.com #7 - exercising or characterized by restraint in relation to the desires or passions and especially to sexual desires; temperate.

Other vices?  Hmmm...I'll have to ponder upon this one a tad more.

Idolatry - G1495 - From G1497 and G2999; image worship (literally or figuratively). (Used 4x in 4 verses)

• G1497 - From G1491; an image (that is, for worship); by implication a heathen god, or (plural) the worship of such.
• G1491 - From G1492; a view, that is, form (literally or figuratively).
• G1492 - A primary verb; used only in certain past tenses, the others being borrowed from the equivalent, G3700 and G3708; properly to see (literally or figuratively); by implication (in the perfect only) to know.
• G2999 - From G3000; ministration of God, that is, worship.
• G3000 - From λάτρις latris (a hired menial); to minister (to God), that is, render religious homage.

Well this idolatry and the one as a derivative of lasciviousness aren't using the same Greek word.

Witchcraft - G5331 - From G5332; medication (“pharmacy”), that is, (by extension) magic (literal or figurative). (Used 3x in 3 verses)

• G5332 - From φάρμακον pharmakon (a drug, that is, spell giving potion); a druggist (“pharmacist”) or poisoner, that is, (by extension) a magician.

Now that's interesting, especially with the proliferation of 'medicines' and 'medications' for those who are unstable or have mental issues.  Are the medicines truly helping or are they compounding the problem?  So Google....and find this, which is,  simply amazing.  Tell me lies, sweet little lies.  It's a lengthy read - 2 parts in fact - but substantiates how Big Pharm isn't really out to help - its all about the $, that and control.  People who are on 'drugs' are easier to control.  Slaves work better that way.  (To read my entire RANT.)

Hatred - G2189 - Feminine of G2190; hostility; by implication a reason for opposition.

• G2190 - From a primary word ἔχθω echthō (to hate); hateful (passively odious, or actively hostile); usually as a noun, an adversary (especially Satan).

Variance - G2054 - Of uncertain affinity; a quarrel, that is, (by implication) wrangling. (Used 9x in 9 verses)

• Strife - Romans 13:13, 1 Corinthians 3:3, Philippians 1:15, 1 Timothy 6:4
• Debate - Romans 1:29, 2 Corinthians 12:20 
• Contentions - 1 Corinthians 1:11, Titus 3:9

Emulations - G2205 - From G2204; properly heat, that is, (figuratively) “zeal” (in a favorable sense, ardor; in an unfavorable one, jealousy, as of a husband [figuratively of God], or an enemy, malice).  (Used 17x in 17 verses)

• G2204 - A primary verb; to be hot (boil, of liquids; or glow, of solids), that is, (figuratively) be fervid (earnest).

I am absorbing, or reabsorbing, this partial list (Part II to follow) - pondering upon how I was 'boiling' when I researched the word witchcraft.  Was this righteous anger?  There is a difference.  Which made me stop...the list of behaviors which manifest, are these found in a Christian?  According to Gill on "Now the works of the flesh are manifest" - he states:

"By "flesh" is meant corrupt nature, as before, and by the works of it, not only external acts of sin, but inward lusts; for such are here mentioned among its works, as "hatred", "wrath", "envyings", &c. and both external and internal acts are so called, because they spring from the flesh, or corrupt nature, and are what that urges and solicits to, and are wrought thereby, and are what denominate and show men to be carnal: these are said to be "manifest"; not that they are all, and always publicly done, and are open to the sight of men; for they are works of darkness, and often done in secret, though they are always manifest to God the searcher of hearts, and will be brought to light in the day of judgment; but they are known to be sins in some measure by the light of nature, and especially by the law of God; and a clear case it is, that they are contrary to the Spirit, both to the Spirit of God, and to the principle of grace he forms in the heart; and that such who live in the commission of them are not led by him, nor are under the influence of his grace:"

No, these behaviors ought not to be laid at the door of those who are called to be ambassadors of Christ.  I'll finish up with Part II...I know, I know, there are several rabbit trails out there I need to finish!

What if It's All Been a Big Fat Lie?

As someone who has low blood sugar, I know the importance of 'keeping it steady.' Which to me meant 'slow burn' foods.  Foods that take a while for the body to break down and convert.  I'm learning more about how blood sugar interacts, not just with protein (my go to source), but fats and carbohydrates.

A friend recommended the video Fat Head - debunking Super Size Me.  I remember watching Super Size Me it with my children years ago - and believing the information presented.  Does or would eating a diet of fast food make one fat?  While, I'll never be a fan of 'fast food,' or the processes or materials used to make it, I'm sufficiently challenged to examine eating foods which are made/designed the way GOD intended (heads up the information presented here is 'seasoned' with evolutionary thought).

Once I watched the video and explored the site a bit, I did a bit more research.  I've included some below the video should you care to explore.

I found this article to be informative and challenging - especially as it relates to our tendency to believe whatever the media and/or government agencies spew out.  <-- They are made of people, people are fallible, sometimes they are dishonest, prone to bribery, or deceived themselves.  Examine all - be a Berean in all matters, not just the Word of God.

What if It's All Been a Big Fat Lie? ~ By Gary Taubes ~ Published: July 07, 2002

If the members of the American medical establishment were to have a collective find-yourself-standing-naked-in-Times-Square-type nightmare, this might be it. They spend 30 years ridiculing Robert Atkins, author of the phenomenally-best-selling ''Dr. Atkins' Diet Revolution'' and ''Dr. Atkins' New Diet Revolution,'' accusing the Manhattan doctor of quackery and fraud, only to discover that the unrepentant Atkins was right all along. Or maybe it's this: they find that their very own dietary recommendations -- eat less fat and more carbohydrates -- are the cause of the rampaging epidemic of obesity in America. Or, just possibly this: they find out both of the above are true.

When Atkins first published his ''Diet Revolution'' in 1972, Americans were just coming to terms with the proposition that fat -- particularly the saturated fat of meat and dairy products -- was the primary nutritional evil in the American diet. Atkins managed to sell millions of copies of a book promising that we would lose weight eating steak, eggs and butter to our heart's desire, because it was the carbohydrates, the pasta, rice, bagels and sugar, that caused obesity and even heart disease. Fat, he said, was harmless.

To read more go --> HERE.

10 Things Wives Should Know About Husbands

This article quotes several marriage and/or relationship counselors. It is well worth the time to consider the points - the first one was given to me years ago...its so hard though when you've been home ALL day with no adult conversation!

1. When he needs space
2. When he's really listening
3. The most productive way to fight...
4. ...and when the argument is going nowhere
5. Which topics set him off
6. How (and when) to be his support system
7. When he's not loving your love life
8. How he views his role as husband and father
9. What his dream job (or vacation or car) is
10. That you don't know everything about him

I've recently been pondering on number 6 - a man wants a woman to support him.  Does that mean they want one who is frank, direct and tells it like it is?

Or are their egos too tender to withstand it?  Does that fall into the 'tact' category?  Knowing when to speak and be blunt and when to be quiet?  Obviously a balance to be sure...I can't imagine living with a man whose ego requires one to walk on egg shells.

Perhaps the best avenue is to consider, how would I like to be addressed and/or have this handled.

Balance...relationships definitely take balance.  Give and take, respect, consideration, cooperation and compromise!

I'm not sure where I picked up this gem:

Various plants (in no particular order) that you can regrow from the food you already have! Way to reuse and recycle!  

Apples- http://www.ehow.com/how_2135774_grow-apple-seeds.html

Tomatoes- http://www.ehow.com/how_5581958_grow-tomatoes-fresh-tomato-seeds.html

Potatoes/Sweet Potatoes- http://www.gardenguides.com/117543-plant-cuttings-potatoes.html

Green Onions- http://www.17apart.com/2012/02/how-to-grow-green-onions-indefinitely.html
http://tipnut.com/nifty-food-plants/

Leeks- same technique as green onions

Carrot Tops- http://www.gardeningknowhow.com/children-in-the-garden/grow-carrot-tops.htm

Pineapple- http://www.rickswoodshopcreations.com/Pineapple/pineapple.htm - I've got a couple of these going!

Romaine Lettuce- Same technique as celery

Cabbage- Same technique as celery

Celery- http://www.17apart.com/2012/02/growing-celery-indoors-never-buy-celery.html  - wish I'd remember about this one!

Avocado -http://www.thehungrymouse.com/2009/09/09/how-to-grow-an-avocado-tree-from-an-avocado-pit/ - I have a horrid time trying to get these to start.  If someone has suggestions (or a sapling!) I'll take it!

Lentils- http://foodstoragemadeeasy.net/2009/02/19/how-to-grow-sprouts/

Pumpkin- http://pinterest.com/pin/98375573080950437/

Ginger- http://www.gardenswag.com/2011/12/5-foods-you-can-grow-from-kitchen-scraps/ - I'm actually growing one of these!

Garlic- http://www.gardenswag.com/2011/12/5-foods-you-can-grow-from-kitchen-scraps/

Bonus: Bok Choy - http://www.17apart.com/2012/02/how-to-regrowing-bok-choy.html

The Failure of Democracy

Thought provoking as to why democracies work in one location but not another - the author's premise is the spiritual foundation of a nation makes or breaks how well a country does (though I'd say democracy is not the preferred - rather a constitutional republic).

The failure of democracy in the Middle East
By Rob Slane | August 17, 2013 | De-mock-racy, Politics

With all hell breaking loose in Egypt, here is something I recently wrote for Samaritan Ministries on the subject of democracy – how it is an idol and why it has failed to bring the promised peace and stability to the Middle East:

“No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.”

Winston Churchill in a speech to the British Parliament on 11th November 1947.

I’m sure Churchill was right to think that nobody in his day held democracy to be perfect or all wise. In theory many people would still agree today, yet in recent years, the word democracy has – at least in the minds of many – taken on characteristics akin to omniscience and omnipotence and is increasingly being seen as the answer to humanity’s problems.

This can be seen most clearly in the “nation-building” wars of the past decade, which have been waged with the intention of bringing democracy to those nations. Afghanistan was invaded in order that the Taliban might be defeated, and with the hope that some form of democratic system could then be established. The same was largely true of Iraq. Although the pretext for war was the weapons of mass destruction that Saddam Hussein was said to have possessed, the hope from the outset was that once he was deposed, democracy could then be established and a peaceful and stable country created, which would form a blueprint for the rest of the Middle East to follow.

Read more --> Here.

Psalm 1:2

Psa 1:2  But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

But - I have to admit, sometimes I don't pause and really consider these little words.  This one has two definitions.

H3588 - A primitive particle (the full form of the prepositional prefix) indicating causal relations of all kinds, antecedent or consequent; (by implication) very widely used as a relative conjugation or adverb; often largely modified by other particles annexed.

and

H518 - A primitive particle; used very widely as demonstrative, lo!; interrogitive, whether?; or conditional, if, although; also Oh that!, when; hence as a negative, not.

But what?  Its a comparative, the blessed man doesn't do this, this or this, but does do THIS.  What does he (or rather, we should be doing?)

Delight - H2656 - From H2654; pleasure; hence (abstractly) desire; concretely a valuable thing; hence (by extension) a matter (as something in mind).

• H2654 - A primitive root; properly to incline to; by implication (literally but rarely) to bend; figuratively to be pleased with, desire.

Delight - run that over mentally, savoring the flavor of the word.  What do I delight in?  Quite a lot of 'stuff' - is this necessarily wrong, sometimes yes, sometimes no - is the height of my delight in HIM and HIS word?

This Hebrew word is used 39x in 38 verses - the first usage is in 1st Samuel where the challenge is laid down regarding what God has delight in...is it in sacrifices? No.  Rather in obeying the voice of the Lord. (1 Samuel 15:22)

Skimming through the 'hits' one that 'jumped' out was:

Pro 3:15  She is more precious than rubies: and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her. 

The she here is wisdom.  More precious than rubies.  Nothing else compares to 'her.' This is also repeated in Proverbs 8:11.

Here's another she:

Pro 31:13  She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

This speaks of the 'proverbial' Proverbs 31 woman - she desires work.

Law - H8451 - From H3384; a precept or statute, especially the Decalogue or Pentateuch.

• H3384 - A primitive root; properly to flow as water (that is, to rain); transitively to lay or throw (especially an arrow, that is, to shoot); figuratively to point out (as if by aiming the finger), to teach.

This is the same Hebrew word used both times in this passage.  I'm sure at some juncture I've looked up the word for law and the root of it, but today, it's, it's, 'tastier.'  I desire the law not because it's a set of rules (though it is) that I must 'tick' off to be righteous and acceptable to the Lord.  Rather, I'm learning more and more to delight in it because it gives me guidance, direction, correction, comfort, solace, peace.  As I submit to Him and His ways, I become more and more conformed into His image.

The first usage of the word law is in Genesis 26:5 - regarding Abraham who kept God's charge, commandments, statutes and laws.

LORD - H3068 - From H1961; (the) self Existent or eternal; Jehovah, Jewish national name of God.

• H1961 - A primitive root (compare H1933); to exist, that is, be or become, come to pass (always emphatic, and not a mere copula or auxiliary).

The first usage of this word (6521x in 5524 verses) is Genesis 2:4 - God is used in Genesis 1:1 and throughout that chapter which is H430 - 'ĕlôhı̂ym, pronounced: el-o-heem' - interesting, of the 31 verses in Chapter 1 of Genesis only 5 do not contain the word 'God.'  Ah...what a study, eh?

Back to the first usage of LORD - Gen 2:5  And every plant of the field before it was in the earth, and every herb of the field before it grew: for the LORD God had not caused it to rain upon the earth, and there was not a man to till the ground. 

meditate - H1897 - A primitive root (compare H1901); to murmur (in pleasure or anger); by implication to ponder.

Ooooh, gotta love it, one of my most favorite words!  Ponder!

Compare H1901 - let's shall we!?

H1901 - From an unused root akin to H1897; properly a murmur, that is, complaint.

• H1897 - ^ isn't this some type of circular reference?

Only 25x in 24 verses - how is it used?  In Joshua the exhortation is thus:

Jos 1:8  This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success. 

Job 27:4  My lips shall not speak wickedness, nor my tongue utter deceit.

Psa 2:1  Why do the heathen rage, and the people imagine a vain thing? 

Psa 35:28  And my tongue shall speak of thy righteousness and of thy praise all the day long.

Pro 15:28  The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.

Gill's commentary on this portion:  and in his law doth he meditate day and night; as Joshua was directed to do, and David did, Jos_1:8. This is to be understood of a diligent reading and serious consideration of it; and of the employment of the thoughts, and of deep study upon it, in order to find out the sense and meaning of it; and which is to be done constantly, every day, as often as there is leisure and opportunity for it; or, as Kimchi on the place observes, whenever a man is free from the business of life; unless this should be taken figuratively, of the day of prosperity and night of adversity, whether in things temporal or spiritual, which are each of them proper seasons to meditate in, upon the word of God and Gospel of Christ.

Curiosity (pondering) about the word 'meditate' - its used 14x in Scripture - 12 of which are in the OT.

The other OT usage of meditate is H7878 - A primitive root; to ponder, that is, (by implication) converse (with oneself, and hence aloud) or (transitively) utter.

I like that talk to oneself and hence aloud!  There's the encouragement to be speaking to ourselves in psalms, hymns and spiritual songs!

day and night -

day - H3119 - From H3117; daily.

• H3117 - From an unused root meaning to be hot; a day (as the warm hours), whether literally (from sunrise to sunset, or from one sunset to the next), or figuratively (a space of time defined by an associated term), (often used adverbially).

night - H3915 - From the same as H3883; properly a twist (away of the light), that is, night; figuratively adversity.

• H3883 - From an unused root meaning to fold back; a spiral step.

day and night - makes me think upon a recent teaching about God's covenant with the day and night.

Continuously - thinking upon Him and His Word.  Its amazing to actually 'see' the difference in oneself (or others) when they spend time in His Word.  May we all have a 'scent' about us, a fragrance of HIM because we are so saturated with Him, He literally 'pours' from our pores.