Double Minded

Jas 1:8  A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. 

Jas 4:8  Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. 

Double minded - G1374 - From G1364 and G5590; two spirited, that is, vacillating (in opinion or purpose).

• G1364 - Adverb from G1417; twice.
• G1417 - A primary numeral; “two”.
• G5590 - From G5594; breath, that is, (by implication) spirit, abstractly or concretely (the animal sentient principle only; thus distinguished on the one hand from G4151, which is the rational and immortal soul; and on the other from G2222, which is mere vitality, even of plants: these terms thus exactly correspond respectively to the Hebrew [H5315], [H7307] and [H2416].
• G5594 - A primary verb; to breathe (voluntarily but gently; thus differing on the one hand from G4154, which denotes properly a forcible respiration; and on the other from the base of G109, which refers properly to an inanimate breeze), that is, (by implication of reduction of temperature by evaporation) to chill (figuratively).

I feel like I'm double minded.  Not all the time, or about everything.  Just marriage.  On the one side, I think no, I am content.  I enjoy my solitude.  Then on the other side I think, no, I would love to have someone to share the adventure of life. Especially when I come across something like this:

That sums it up...for me.  I want someone who finds my mind beautiful.  Who seems me as desirable, mentally.  Is that odd?  Selfish?  Shouldn't my desire for a spouse be something, I don't know...more?

Shouldn't I be more focused on what I can give or provide to someone versus what I *want*?

Am I truly praying for whatever His will is?  Desiring His plans and purposes?  Because when it comes down to it, it's really His choice.  Trying to 'force' His hand and go down a path He's not approved doesn't work out well.  Trying to 'make do' or lower your standards to avoid being alone isn't worth the price.

So here I am...wondering, I think yes, then no, so is that double minded?  Or can this be a form of prayer, as I surrender to Him?  Not wanting my way, but trusting, waiting on Him, should He decide He has someone for me?  Or continuing to learn contentedness, seeing, knowing Him as my heavenly husband?  I really don't know, and I think I can honestly say, either path is okay.

Maybe that's where He wants me to be, if it's yes, good.  If it's no, good.  So beloved saints, do we happily receive a NO as well as we would a YES?