Don't flip that love, let it B-U-R-N!

Courtesy of Cherishing Hopes and Dreams

When I was about 12 years old, I attended a family bridal shower for my soon-to-be aunt Marilee. We played a game where we had to think of marriage advice inspired by different kitchen utensils. It was pretty nerdy, with a "Treat each other 'grate' (cheese grater)" and, "'Open' your heart to each other (can opener)," etc. Until we got to my cousin Lexi, who was my exact same age. Inspired by a spatula, she advised:

"Don't flip your love over. Let it burn."

The crowd went wild, especially because it came from a tween! And I haven't forgotten it, fifteen years later. You know what else? That might be the best marriage advice I've ever heard from anyone. Ever. It has helped my marriage, that's for sure. But of course you have to think of ways to let your love burn, so it involves a lot of work. But that is when marriage thrives the most.

So without further ado, here is my not-so-professional but I'd-like-to-think-awesome list of marriage advice. It's a compilation of things I studied in college, things I've learned about myself in marriage, and things my sweet husband has done that I deeply appreciate. These snippets of advice are centered around building and maintaining trust, friendship and affection.

1. DELETE THE NUMBERS OF PEOPLE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX FROM YOUR PHONE.
If there is a number you truly need, have your spouse put it in his or her phone.  And if for some reason someone of the opposite sex needs to get your number, tell them that you and your spouse have a special deal where you don't take numbers of people of the opposite sex, and offer to give the person your spouse's number instead. I have a great married pal at work who wanted to double date with John and me, so he asked for my phone number so he could call and set things up. I told him of John's and my rule, offered to give him John's number instead, and he absolutely loved that idea. He said he wants to start doing that with his wife, too.

2. FORWARD ALL TEXTS CONVERSATIONS OR EMAILS FROM PEOPLE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX TO YOUR SPOUSE.
Of course there might be a few stragglers from all the numbers you deleted, but you can still foster trust with your spouse by reporting any type of technological interaction with someone of the opposite sex to him or her (FACEBOOK, ANYONE?). John and I do this, and it strengthens our love for each other a little more each time we do, even though it's something seemingly little.

***editor's note: A lot of people have expressed issues with #1 and #2. I may have made it sound like John and I formally and rigidly report all interactions of the opposite sex to each other, and that we get in huge fights and lose trust if we don't, but it's really quite casual. We just mention it in passing to keep the other informed, and to help keep ourselves accountable (and believe it or not, we do have friends of the opposite sex...). A lot of people have told me that they think doing this would foster suspicion and distrust in their relationship, but I still stand by what I said. From my personal experience (which is far more extensive than I let on on this blog...) it is just so much safer to keep your husband or wife in "the know." Plus, no matter how great a marriage is, its strength and passion naturally ebbs and flows over the years. John and I have talked about the importance of investing in and protecting our marriage every second, even when it's at its best, so that when things get a little tougher we are in the habit and never let it get away from us. If you don't supervise your marriage when it is good, what motivation would you have to when it's hard? It's the "little things" like mentioning your old boyfriend from High School wants to be friends on Facebook (etc...) that can prevent a lot more damage that you might not even realize is possible in a healthy relationship. I mean, why NOT try to keep our relationship as safe and cherished as possible? It is our MARRIAGE, after all. Kinda important to us.

3. TURN OFF YOUR CELLPHONES AFTER 8:00pm
(we are working on this one...)
Or whatever time works with your schedule so that you have undivided time together each day, even if it's only for twenty minutes at night. During this time, talk about your days. Invite the other into your world by painting them a picture of what you experienced that day. If you do this for several nights and you start to see patterns in your spouse's day, ask him or her about it, or about things you've recognized are important to them.

4. ASK FOR ADVICE FROM YOUR SPOUSE
Everyone loves to hear that their opinion is valued. If you ask your spouse for advice, it gives him or her a sense of importance and being needed by you. Plus, chances are they'll give you their advice even if you don't ask for it, so it would be nice to take the opportunity to turn the exchange into something more meaningful that builds the other up.

5. SCHEDULE ALONE TIME
What you do with that time is up to you and your spouse, but just make sure you make a schedule of when you will spend time alone with each other and then stick to it. It will give you something to look forward too, think about, get excited about, and that way your spouse is always on your mind and in your heart.

6. FLIRT UNAPOLOGETICALLY
Flirting, in essence, is using words and actions to make someone of the opposite sex feel good about themselves. Don't feel silly, just be sappy and sassy to the extent you feel comfortable. Simply expound on the feelings you are already feeling--tell your spouse why you think they are amazing, not just that you think they are amazing. Tell your spouse how you are physically attracted to them. Tell your spouse how they are intelligent, capable, and competent. Men like to feel like heros, women like to feel appreciated--so keep that in mind and tell your spouse what he or she likes to hear. And try to vocalize it as often as you think it. No one ever gets sick of hearing how amazing they are.

7. SAVE YOUR BEST SELF FOR YOUR SPOUSE
Life is full of obligations that wear you out. Then when you get home at the end of the day you are too tired to have meaningful exchanges with your spouse. So, throughout your day, think of ways you can conserve some of your energy so that you can return to your spouse at the end of the day ready to give all your heart.

8. PRIMP FOR EACH OTHER
This goes along with saving your best self for your spouse. Before you are reunited at the end of a long day, take time to freshen up for your spouse. Brush your teeth or pop some gum. Reapply deodorant and smelly-good spray. Blow your nose. Gals, touch up your makeup and hair. Put on a cute outfit, or at least appear like you've made a little effort. It helps keep the courtship fresh.

9. PROACTIVELY THINK OF WAYS TO SERVE YOUR SPOUSE
It is my opinion that there is no better way to continually fall in love with your spouse than by serving him or her. We love the most the things we sacrifice for, so make sure you are thinking of ways to sacrifice for your spouse. It could be time, comfort, interests, convenience, but just make sure you consciously sacrifice a little each day. When John is annoying me for an extended period of time for one reason or another (Don't worry, Baby, this is just hypothetical...) I brainstorm ways I can serve him, and then I do it. My heart is always softened and I remember why I'm crazy about him and forget why he drives me crazy. Having said that, it is equally important to let your spouse sacrifice for you, which can often times be a little more difficult to do.

10. FEED YOUR SPIRITS TOGETHER
This could be up for individual interpretation, but for John and me it involves praying together, reading the Word of God together, and thinking of ways we can serve God's children together. Your dyad is stronger when it's really a triad with the Lord.

So there ya go. Like I said, I'm no professional or anything. I just love my marriage and have pinpointed some little things that have made ours so great. So hopefully they can help yours, as well. I'd love to hear things that help your marriage, too, so share the love!!

Respect: One of Your Man’s Most Important Needs

by Deb Weakly

Not too long ago, my husband and I were on a date at a local restaurant in our town. I was looking over the menu when I noticed a man and woman, both in their 50′s, about to sit in the booth next to us. They sat down next to each other on the same side of the booth. The woman looked cute and classy, but the one thing I noticed about her (after I saw that she was married) was the way she turned her body to where she could really look into her husbands eyes and listened intently to every word he said. This went on the whole time they were together. It impressed me so much to see how she was completely paying attention to him and would put her hand on his every now and then. I loved that! Here they were, a bit of an older couple, still in love, and she was still showing him respect by truly listening to him and looking into his eyes.

After being married for 22 years, I become more and more aware of how much my husband really needs me to respect him.

God does tell us a bit about respect in Ephesians 5:33:

However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

 

I know that, in some marriages, it may be challenging if we do not feel truly loved by our husbands. Pray for him. Pray for your marriage, for the love to return, and then do your best to respect your man. Ask God to help you to talk sweetly to him and to encourage him. Our husbands needs to us believe in them and their dreams. They  need us to be their cheerleaders; they need to feel that we think they are the smartest men on the face of the earth. In our home, we call it “Feeling their muscles.” It means that we praise the guys in our home (our sons need respect too). It’s not fake; it’s real. There is always something good to praise someone for. If you truly can’t think of anything good to say about your husband, ask God to help you to see his heart and to praise him. So often, people will rise to our expectations of them. Does your man go to work every day? Does he come home every night? Does he pay the bills? Does he spend time with the kids? I always tell my husband “thank you” for taking our family to church every Sunday. I know that there are a lot of men that would rather watch football or sleep in, but my man takes us to church.

Ask God to help you to believe in your man and his dreams.

My husband recently became interested in getting a hot rod. (specifically, a 68 Firebird) At first, I was not really interested and didn’t participate in the whole searching process. Then one day my daughter, Christie, said to me “Mom, You need to show some interest and encourage him. This is very important to him, and he would love it if you showed interest in it, even if only for his sake. He works hard to earn his money, and isn’t going to  be spending a lot of money on this car.” Out of the mouths of babes.

So, I took her advice. I started being more engaged when he would talk about the cars, and I even spent a couple of Saturdays to drive an hour away to go kick some tires with him and look at the prospects that he had found. Randy was SO happy and excited to have me go with him, but for me, it meant going for rides in the cars with NO seatbelts, all the time shaking and vibrating in the backseat from the sheer power of the vehicle. We had a blast! He got a bright red one and has promised to install seatbelts right away.

The moral of the story is that he needed me to be interested in him and his dreams.

Another thing that I have noticed is that our men need us to affirm them in front of other people. Don’t bash your man in front of others or behind his back. It’s no fun to be put down or made fun of. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Ask God to help you to be the “Wise woman that builds her house and not the foolish woman that tears it down with her own hands.”

Accept your husband and your puzzle. Our men ned us to appreciate them and to bring life to our homes. That’s what we do as women–we bring life. Ask God to help you to love your husband, respect him, and be content with who he is and your life together.

Extreme Urban Gardening: Straw Bale Gardens

Courtesy of Resilient Communities

by JOHN ROBB on DECEMBER 6, 2012

Here’s a very simple technique for gardening in tight spots and in places with no/terrible soil (from the arctic circle to the desert to an asphalt jungle). It’s also a great way to garden if you have limited mobility (in a wheel chair).

What is Straw Bale Gardening?

You simply plant your garden in straw bales. Here’s an example of what a straw bale garden looks like (via author/expert Joel Karsten — he’s got a good book on the topic and he teaches it in seminars)



As you can see, the basic technique is actually quite simple. You simply grow your garden inside the bales and the results can be pretty amazing.




How to grow a Straw Bale Garden

There are lots of techniques on how to grow a straw bale garden. Here’s one from the West Virginia University.

To start the process, keep the straw bales wet for three to four weeks before planting. If you would like to speed up the process, here is a recipe that works well.

Days 1 to 3: Water the bales thoroughly and keep them damp.

Days 4 to 6: Sprinkle each bale with ½ cup urea (46-0-0) and water well into bales. You can substitute bone meal, fish meal, or compost for a more organic approach.

Days 7 to 9: Cut back to ¼ cup urea or substitute per bale per day and continue to water well.

Day 10: No more fertilizer is needed, but continue to keep bales damp.

Day 11: Stick your hand into the bales to see if they are still warm. If they have cooled to less than your body heat, you may safely begin planting after all danger of frost has passed.

Essentially, plant the seedlings like you would do in the ground. If you plant seeds, put a layer of compost mix on the bales like icing on a cake and plant it there. Here’s what the University’s straw bale garden looks like:





Remember, the bales (like most above ground gardening techniques) will need extra water and fertilizer during the early period. However, that should diminish as bale decomposes (it will be able to hold MUCH more water). Here’s some recommendations on plant types and density from the University:

Plants Number Per Bale
Tomatoes 2-3
Peppers 4
Cucumbers 4-6
Squash 2-4
Pumpkin 2
Zucchini 2-3
Lettuce Per package directions
Strawberries 3-4
Beans Per package directions

Oregano - Natural Antibiotic?

Courtesy of Take Part




A chicken cooked with a sprig of oregano may have good reason to enjoy that herb in its lifetime too.

In a New York Times story published on Dec. 25, Scott Sechler of the Pennsylvania chicken producer Bell & Evans says that his antibiotic-free birds peck at feed mixed with oregano oil and a touch of cinnamon.

“Mr. Sechler swears by the concoction as a way to fight off bacterial diseases that plague meat and poultry producers without resorting to antibiotics,” writes reporter Stephanie Strom. Indeed, oregano has been utilized for its antibacterial, antifungal, antiparasitic, antimicrobial and antioxidant properties since the age of Hippocrates. And while the effect the herb had on grazing animals in the Mediterranean, where it grows wild, in past centuries is anyone’s guess, there is growing interest in its potential as a drug-substitute for meat and dairy animals alike.

The Times points to a 2000 study conducted by Bayer on the oregano oil product Sechler uses, which compared the ability of it and four of the company’s drugs to combat E. coli symptoms in piglets. The oregano oil outperformed the synthetic drugs in that instance, but the results haven’t been replicated in subsequent testing.

A small, Agriculture Department-funded oregano-oil trial conducted in Maine, which looked at the herb's effectiveness in controlling parasites in sheep and goats, is also briefly mentioned in the story. A report on the study, which can be found on the Maine Organic Farmers and Gardeners Association website, points out the economic advantage of what appeared to be a largely effective non-drug treatment: A five-day course of the anti-parasite drug Corid costs $1.50, while a two-month-long treatment with oregano oil only costs $3 per animal.

Sechler seems aware of how odd his Italian-scented approach to feeding chickens may appear: “I have worried a bit about how I’m going to sound talking about this,” he’s quoted as saying in the Times story, “But I really do think we’re on to something here.”

Same goes for Alexander Hristov, an associate professor of dairy nutrition at Penn State. Hristov was part of a team of dairy scientists at the university who developed an oregano-laced feed that reduced methane production in dairy cows, which can contribute to climate change even more readily than car exhaust, by 40 percent—and increased milk production too. He toldPenn State Live, the university’s news website, that if "follow-up trials are successful, we will keep trying to identify the active compounds in oregano to produce purer products." In other words, the next step would be to develop another synthetic drug. But at least it wouldn’t be an antibiotic.

Fenced Garden/Chicken Coop

Courtesy of Backwoods Home

My engineer father was not fond of wasting time or energy. He was always searching for a better, more efficient way to perform chores, especially chores that reoccurred often. Two re-occurring chores he enjoyed were gardening and raising chickens, and he decided that he could make both the gardening and the raising of a chicken flock even more enjoyable by making them more efficient.

He realized that both chores were essentially feeding operations. You feed the garden to make it produce food, and you feed the chickens to make them produce eggs and, well, more chickens. So he decided that the best way to make both more efficient was to combine them and let them help feed each other.

To achieve this he built his “self-fertilizing” chicken coop/garden. The idea was so simple that he probably wasn’t the first person ever to have done it, but I’ve never seen another one like it.

What he did was build a chicken coop with two small access doors, one on the east side, and the other on the west side. Each door was for the chickens, and they led to separate fenced-in yards.

On the north side of the coop was a regular sized door for us. On the south side was a wide window with a hinged wooden cover. That window looked directly out onto a compost heap. Each time the coop was cleaned, everything was shoveled out through that window.

That first year the chickens had the run of the yard on the east side of the coop. He kept the access door on the west side closed, and in that yard he planted the family’s vegetable garden.

By putting the yards on the east and west sides, he ensured both yards had maximum exposure to the sun. With the coop on the north side, he later told me, he minimized the shadow the chicken house cast over the garden.

Our access to each fenced yard was through a gate in the fence. With the fences, he not only kept the chickens where he wanted them, he kept predators away from the chickens, pests out of the garden, the neighbors’ dogs out of the compost, and they provided a lattice upon which his beans and other climbing plants could flourish.

In the fall, after that year’s garden had been harvested, he closed the door on the east side of the coop and opened the west side. The chickens now had the run of the old garden with its remnants of the harvested plants as well as the plants that had gone to seed.

My father, in the meantime, set about turning over the chicken dropping-enriched soil in what had been the chicken yard on the east side. With its year of chicken droppings and the compost he tilled in from the compost pile, he was setting the stage for a great garden the following year.

The chickens, now in the west side yard, were happily scrounging in the old garden and preparing the soil for next year’s garden. It was so efficient that he never found the need to improve upon it, and he kept that engineer efficient chicken coop/garden going for years.