Who Am I?

I've been pondering upon this question for a bit.  Obviously the first answer should be I'm a Christian.

Secondary answers could be: daughter, wife, mother.  It's the mother designation I'm currently focused upon.

As a mother, we tend to have the world revolve around us...everything that goes on in our homes we control (to a certain degree).

We manage, we care, we give, we birth, buy, feed, clean, raise, nurse, chauffeur, counsel, guide, direct and most importantly pray for our families.  Our whole beings become consumed with being a mom.

So what happens when you're no longer a mom?  For many years I designated myself as a single mom.  I'm still have the title, MOM; however the responsibilities, the day to day consumption of my time, effort, talents and abilities are no longer needed, or rather are drastically changed!

I've been put out to pasture!  I've 'seeing' motherhood, as a cog in the machinery of life.  It begins with the first wee one...

...growing inside you.  A part of you, hearing your heart from the inside.  Then, there they are in your arms, so small, a 'canvas' waiting to be 'painted' or a 'lump of clay' waiting to be 'molded'.

There whole world revolves around you...you are the center of their universe.  Then comes the stage where they realize they are their own little person.  They become part of the 'machinery' of life.  Still needing you to help them 'turn', yet truly their own little wheel.

They grow, mature, leave the nest, forming their own 'machine' - a family.

Their lives, with their spouse and children develop and grow.  Your wheel grows further from the center.  You realize you no longer are the center.  You are now one of those outlaying wheels which may still be 'turned' by the 'center' may (or may not) have any real function.

So who (or where) are you in this thing we call life?  Are you currently at the 'hub' - the queen bee?  Running a thriving hive?  :-)

Currently part of a family - but not the center, yet?

Still in the center - not quite out of usefulness (or least borrowing of the laundry facilities)?

Or out to pasture?  Every once in a while you get a 'turn' as the lives of your children revolve?

If so, what do you do?  Who are you?  Who am I?  Is there value in a woman only when she's at the hub of life?  Running a home, managing children?  If you're married and empty nested, are you rediscovering love with your husband?

If you've been a single mom - how do you present yourself now?  Who are we once the children have grown and no longer 'need' (or sometimes want) us?

If you have more than one child, the possibilities are endless for where you are.

If you've returning children and grandchildren, your life once again 'revolves' around them and their needs.  If you're married, your husband.  If alone, and you've invested all of 'you' into your family, you begin to discover yourself.

You find a hobby, a ministry, an outlet...something which makes you 'feel' valued.  God designed us to be 'givers' and 'nurturers'.  Always holding those we love close in our hearts.

I can't say if it's easier or harder for those who have a husband, or elderly family members to care for...something that 'makes' you 'feel' needed and/or useful.  As trying or tiring as it may be at times!

As a single woman - for such is my designation now, it's vastly different.  I may be 'needed' at my job, but I'm not indispensable.  As I reflect and pray about this new season, I ask myself lots of questions.

Am or have I noticed or cared for how others in my position feel or felt?

What is my purpose?  (I know the 'correct' answer is to love God and serve Him); however, HOW does it 'work' now?

I think women like to 'pour' ourselves into people, a husband, children, etc., so when you don't, or feel like you don't, have anyone, what do you do?

Prayer...seeking Him is the obvious answer.  I'm still searching, on a new road to discovery. How about you?

Motherhood

I'm in Chapter 5 of Lies Women Believe - and wanted to take a moment and share a few gems.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss quotes Dr. Dorothy Patterson on the subject of feminism and the 'liberation' of women.

"Women have been liberated right out of the genuine freedom they enjoyed for centuries to oversee the home, rear the children, and pursue personal creativity; they have been brainwashed to believe that the absence of a titled, payroll occupation enslaves a woman to failure, boredom, and imprisonment within the confines of home."

and

"It is true that many 'perfect jobs' may come and go during the child rearing years, but only one will absolutely never come along again--the job of rearing your own children and allowing them the increasingly rare opportunity to grow up at home."

For all the moms who are in the 'trenches,' take a moment and snap your fingers.

Really I mean it...take a moment and S-N-A-P.

That's how quickly the time goes when you're raising children - I know, we all hear it when the first baby comes - all those grandma's in the store, "Honey, take time to really enjoy that baby, because before you know it, they'll be grown and gone."  They are 100% right.

It's really hard some days to think that one day the house will be quiet, there won't be anyone arguing, fighting, jostling for position, no more dirty diapers, spit up, throw up, potty training, learning to crawl, walk, run - wait STOP!

Teaching them to talk - will you please sit down and be Q-U-I-E-T! - laughter, snuggles, giggles, story time, tears, fears, dreams and aspirations for the future.  What if... How did... Why does... Who did... When will... Where can...?

Ask the Lord to help you when you are in the thick of it and want to pull out your hair, or theirs, or both! This season is really, really short...if you'll live to be 90, and you are 20-30 years old now, 20 to 30 years of child rearing goes by in a flash.  Savor those moments - remember when you want to 'blast' them with your tongue - bite it instead.

*For all those times you are or have served your husband and/or family with every:

• meal prepared;
• load of dirty clothes washed (those things multiply quicker 'n rabbits!);
• trip made to the grocery store, school, dentist, music lessons, sports practice, store;
• scraped knee, boo-boo or band-aid applied;
• encouraging word spoken;
• night hour spent rocking a sick or scared child;
• dispute arbitrated;
• moment spent building with Legos (my personal favorite), coloring, helping with school work, reading a Bible story, listening to a husband/child describe their day;
• moment spent interceding for the spiritual growth and protection of the family (as a whole and as individuals).

(* list taken from Lies Women Believe, Chapter 5.)