Backbiting

Pro 25:23 The north wind driveth away rain: so doth an angry countenance a backbiting tongue.

Backbiting - H5643 - From H5641; a cover (in a good or a bad, a literal or a figurative sense).

• H5641 - A primitive root; to hide (by covering), literally or figuratively.

The word 'backbiting' is used only once.  The Hebrew word 5643 has 36 matches in 36 verses.

Secret, secretly, protection, covert, covering, disguiseth, secret place, hiding place, and privily.

Hiding place - makes me think of Corrie Ten Boom, who knew, really knew what it meant to be hidden in God.

Psa 32:7  Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah. 

Psa 119:114  Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word. 

How does an angry countenance drive away a backbiting tongue?

Gill's commentary:

"so doth an angry countenance a backbiting tongue; drives it away, discourages and silences it. When a man puts on a stern countenance, a frowning and angry look, on such who bring him slanderous reports and idle tales of their neighbours, and reproach and backbite them, it checks them, and puts a stop to their practices; whereas listening to them, and especially with an air of pleasure, encourages them in them; were there not so many that take pleasure in hearing those talebearers and backbiters, were they more roughly dealt with, as the blustering north wind does with the rain, there would not be so much of this evil practised."

Have you ever given someone the 'eye' - the look which says, don't EVEN go there!  A frown which discourages?

This makes me think of communication - a lot of it is electronic now days and there is always the possibility of what you've said being misconstrued because the tone, inflection, body language is missing.  Words said in jest, without the twinkle in the eye may be perceived as harsh, whereas a reproof or reprimand may not be taken seriously.

I've been doing a little research on communication, made up of - words, tone/inflection, body language.  There are variables out there percentage wise about how much each plays into what's being said/received.  Also, factor in how well you do or don't know the person you're communicating with and that adds another layer.

I found it interesting that deaf people are considered to be superior in interpreting body language.  I distinctly remember taking a class with a woman whose daughter was deaf and she mentioned an incidence.  She was correcting her daughter, who wasn't taking her seriously, because her facial expression did not match what was being said/signed.

How often has something been said in 'jest' but with the undercurrent of what was said was really meant more harshly?  Or someone says something and you're offended, and the response is, I was only joking.  Can't you take a joke?

So how do we measure up to this admonishment?

Eph 4:29  Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

Mat 5:37  But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.

Beware the Flatterer

Pro 20:19  He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.

I was curious, what/who is a flatterer?  Word study time!

flattereth - H6601 - A primitive root; to open, that is, be (causatively make) roomy; usually figuratively (in a mental or moral sense) to be (causatively make) simple or (in a sinister way) delude.

Used 28 times in 26 verses.  The first usage:

Gen 9:27  God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.

Also used in Judges 14:15 and 16:15

Entice - Exodus 22:6; 2 Chronicles 18:19-21; Job 31:27; Proverbs 1:10, 16:29; and Jeremiah 20:10

Deceive or deceived - Deuteronomy 11:16; 2 Samuel 3.25; Job 31:9; Proverbs 24:28; Jeremiah 20:7; and Ezekiel 14:9 (2)

Persuade - 1 Kings 22:20-22; and Proverbs 25:15

Silly - Job 5:2; and Hosea 7:11

Flatter - Psalm 78:36; and Proverbs 20:19

Allure - Hosea 2:14 - Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak comfortably unto her. 

I don't ever remember seeing the word 'silly'!  I used the word with my children (versus stupid).  My!  Silly isn't much better!

So someone who 'flatters' does so to entice, deceive, persuade, allure, or enlarge.  The first type of person who comes to mind, is a sales person.  They will tell or say almost anything to 'seal the deal'.

Sometimes known as a 'brown noser' - not a pretty phrase, but one who 'sucks' up to someone (usually a position of authority) in order to 'gain' for themselves.

I'm pondering if I 'speak' true words...or if anything I say could be construed (or is!!!) 'flattery' - I'm not talking compliments - but speaking in a way to someone to 'puff' up their vanity or engage their 'favor' in order to gain something for myself.  All without sincerity or truth.

God tells us to let our yes be yes and our no be no.  Lord, help us Your people to speak truth, to compliment and encourage truthfully, without hypocrisy or deceit.  To applaud appropriately, but to also admonish when needed.

Talebearer

Proverbs 11:13 - A talebearer (H1980 H7400) revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.

Who or what is a talebearer?

H1980 - Akin to H3212; a primitive root; to walk (in a great variety of applications, literally and figuratively).

H7400 - From H7402; a scandal monger (as travelling about).

• H7402 - A primitive root; to travel for trading.

The word 'talebearer' is used 6x, all in the OT, mostly in Proverbs:

Pro 18:8 The words of a talebearer (H5372) are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.

Pro 20:19 He that goeth about as a talebearer (H7400) revealeth secrets: therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.

Pro 26:20 Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer,(H5372) the strife ceaseth.

Pro 26:22 The words of a talebearer (H5372) are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.

Lev 19:16 Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer (H7400) among thy people: neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbour: I am the LORD.

H5372 - From an unused root meaning to roll to pieces; a slanderer.

H7400 - Is used 6x, 3 of the verses above and as slanders in Jeremiah 6:28 and 9:4, and carry tales in Eze 22:9. 

H5372 - Is used 4x - in the verses above.

Characteristics of a talebearer (or gossip):

Reveals secrets - can you keep a secret or confidence?
Wounding words - do your words wound?
Flatterer - do you 'put on airs' or 'pretend to like someone'?
Strife enducer a/k/a as Pot Stirrer - do you like it when everyone's in an uproar?

The NT has a few verses:

Rom 1:29  Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, (G5588).

Rom 1:30  Backbiters (G2637), haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,

2Co 12:20  For I fear, lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I would, and that I shall be found unto you such as ye would not: lest there be debates, envyings, wraths, strifes, backbitings (G2636), whisperings (G5587), swellings, tumults:

G5588 - From the same as G5587; a secret calumniator (say what? Definition: to make false and malicious statements about; slander.).

G5587 - From a derivative of ψίθος psithos (a whisper; by implication a slander; probably akin to G5574); whispering, that is, secret detraction.

G2636 - From G2637; defamation.

G2637 - From G2596 and the base of G2980; talkative against, that is, a slanderer.

I found this article Gossip and Christian Scripture an interesting read.  We need to be circumspect in our conversations, especially if we are 'sharing' information about someone else; however, honest and open communication and dealing with, or exposing problems shouldn't be label as gossip.

This snippet intrigued me:

"Here is a real-life example of gossip. A Christian woman who was an intercessor would often look at me intently while I was teaching and/or praying. A gossip we will call Charlotte started telling people that we were having a secret affair, and if they peaked during prayer they would see that this woman was making eyes at me. I started hearing all sorts of reports from those Charlotte was calling to "let know what was really going on". Further, Charlotte also came to believe I was madly in love with her as well, and told several people that I was following her home at night (as well as other pastors in the area: all milling around her house I suppose). Charlotte was the real deal: a biblical gossip. She seemed to get a perverted enjoyment from telling slanderous tales obviously detached from the truth. After repeated rebukes and Charlotte's continued rejection of our encouragement to repent and receive prayer and dedicate herself to the truth, we had to dissfellowship her. Perhaps she is in your church now? Just wait till you hear her stories; for it will take only a modicum of discernment or common-sense to know that what she is doing is a grievous sin."

I had a similar situation, I strive to 'give no appearance of evil' in my interactions with men.  Many, many, many years ago, I had sought counsel from an elder in that church.  I did so openly, in the sanctuary, in front of (I thought) God and everyone else.  I did this more than once.  Someone went to the man's wife and caused her to think I was chasing her husband.
Had the person who 'thought' that come to me, we could have resolved the issue, I would have taken more care of how and when I was speaking to the elder and the man's wife wouldn't have been distressed.

So...Before you make a 'call' on someone, check to ensure you have your facts correct.  Don't make the mistake of thinking how you feel, view, see, a situation or based on your life experiences or previous history necessarily makes all situations the same.

If you believe, think, know someone may be out of bounds or engaging in behavior which is not glorifying to God, go and talk to them.  Don't talk behind their back or carry tales.

It is better...

...than what?

I was intrigued by two passages in Proverbs today which say about the same thing.

Pro 21:9  It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. 

Pro 21:19  It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. 

Which made me think, what other passages have it is better?

The first usage is in Genesis when Laban says it is better to give Rachael to Jacob versus another man.

In 2 Samuel the people state to David it is better for him not to engage in battle.

Psalm 118:8 and 9 both state it is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man or princes.

Proverbs 3:14 finishes up the thought that it is better to get wisdom than silver or fine gold.

Proverbs 25:24 It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

Ecclesiates states it is better to go into the house of mourning versus one of feasting and to hear the rebuke of the wise versus the song of fools.

Jonah says it is better him to die than to live.

In the New Testament it is better is recorded:

To enter into eternal life minus a hand, foot, eye.

To have a millstone hung about the neck versus offending a little one.

And the last two passages:

1Co 7:9  But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

1Pe 3:17  For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing. 

So what is a woman who is:

brawling - H4079 - A variation for H4066.  (Used 9 times in 9 verses - all in Proverbs).

• H4066 - From H1777; a contest or quarrel.
• H1777 - A primitive root (compare H113); to rule; by implication to judge (as umpire); also to strive (as at law).

Which picks up a few more verses about women/wife:

Pro 19:13  A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping. 

Pro 27:15  A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. 

contentious - H4079.

angry - H3708 - From H3707; vexation. (Used 25 times in 25 verses and translated as provoking, wrath, sore, grief, provocation, indignation, sorrow, spite, anger.)

• H3707 - A primitive root; to trouble; by implication to grieve, rage, be indignant.

This passage seems similar to me as the one in 1 Peter 3:17 quoted above:

Ecc 7:3  Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.

Makes me think:  Sorrow and suffering - a man of sorrow's, acquainted with our grief.

As I mull over the definitions above, I see myself - brawling, contentious, angry.  Why?  Even as a saved woman?  Is it as the poisonous mind set of my sin nature are worked out of the marrow of my being by the grace of God?

I sense many women struggle with the same issues. While the sin nature we're born with is directly responsible for our attitudes, I think feminism has magnified it.  Women can't simply be women in today's society.

I remember once watching from my window, either an insect or bird, simply being itself.  It didn't have to act or pretend to be the other gender from what it was, it didn't have to act like any other insect or bird. It simply had to do and be as God created it.  No conflict with its design and purpose.  I remember feeling jealous of the peacefulness it had.  Is that why many women are brawling, contentious and angry?  Living in contrast to their original design and purpose?

Father, help Your daughters to live in harmony with Your design.  Lord You have made us for Your pleasure, You allow or don't allow situations and circumstances in our lives to mold us more and more into Your image.  Nothing which happens in our lives is by chance, even when we are forced to live in conflict with Your design for woman.  Give us strength and grace, mercy and wisdom to be vessels of honor as we walk this temporary abode.