Role of Husband

Courtesy of Free Bible Study.

What is the role of the husband in marriage? Many ideas abound from extremely passive to absolute dictator. With humanistic attacks on marriage and the family, the role of the husband has been clouded and confused. If you add to this common misunderstandings of Scriptural authority and Biblical principles, it is amazing the amount of pressure that is placed on men.
If marriages and families are going to be healthy we must understand and apply God's requirements for all family members. So what are God's requirements for husbands? [Note: there are many "roles" of a man but this report focuses on the role of a man as husband.]

God has designed the world around a system of authority. Everyone is under someone's authority. Ultimately, all authority is delegated authority under God. The person who exercises authority [or refuses to do so] is responsible to God. Misuse of authority in any sphere - government, family, church, etc - leads to the judgment of God for misrepresenting the character of God.

The authority structure, as it relates to the family, places the husband and wife as a team much like the President and the Vice President. They should work together to build a life and the Kingdom of God by solving problems in a Biblical way. However, in cases where agreement cannot be reached, someone must have the authority to make the final decision. God has placed that authority in the husband.

"For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body." Eph. 5:23

Many times we sinfully stop at the first phrase. We stress that the husband is the head of the wife while ignoring the rest of the sentence. The husband is to be the head of the wife in the same way that Christ is the head of the Church and is its Saviour.

How is Christ the head of the Church? He is the Leader of the Church, but all His decisions are made for the benefit of the Church. He makes NO decisions from selfish motives. Sometimes He makes hard decisions, but always for the ultimate benefit of the Church. In fact, His love for the Church went so far as the giving up of His body to torture and death for her.

In the same way, the husband may need to make tough decisions, but they are to always be for the benefit of his wife and children. He is to always place their needs and desires above his own. As a human being, the husband deals with his own sinful nature and needs the counsel of his wife on reaching the best decisions. God placed them together as a team. However, when the time for a decision comes, he is the one who stands responsible before God for making it...and for its consequences. It is a heavy responsibility, not a power trip.

The husband cannot be the saviour of his wife in the same way that Christ is the Saviour of the church. Only Christ's Blood can bring forgiveness of sin. He is; nevertheless, to lead his wife in the ways of God. He is to study and know the Word of God and develop his own relationship with God so he can lead in Godly ways. And just as Christ gave His life for the Church, the husband must be willing to sacrifice his physical life if necessary to save the life of his wife. Part of this also includes, as we have written elsewhere, making sure his wife is properly cared for should he die before she does. It should be obvious from the above that the husband is not an independent authority. He only has legitimate authority as he is submitted to the authority of Christ. He does not make decisions or take actions based on his own feelings, desires, or wisdom. He must study and know the Word of God, be submitted to it, and apply it in love.

So, husbands, you are the managers under God of your home. You are responsible before God for everything that goes on in it. If there isn't enough love [or anything else] in the home, don't complain, don't blame your wife. It's your fault...and your responsibility to take charge and fix it with Godly solutions.

Husbands, you cannot do this on your own. It will break you. You need the power of the Holy Spirit...and you need an assistant. God, in His wisdom, provided you with a lovely and competent assistant.

"And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man." Gen. 2:21-23
This is one reason why the husband/wife relationship is the most important human relationship. It is more important than the parent/child relationship. It is more important than the husband's or wife's relationship with their own parents. Certainly, it is vastly more important that relationships with friends outside the home. The husband/wife relationship is the priority relationship. Only our relationship with God is more important.

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Gen. 2:24

The husband is to take time to understand and minister to his wife. This is especially important in the first year of marriage when so much change and adjustment is taking place [Deut. 24:5, Col. 3:19]. Take time out from the business of life to enjoy your wife. Dating does not stop when you get married! Continue to have fun together [Ecc. 9:9].

In line with this, the husband is to be an encourager. It is so tempting to criticize, complain, and make hurting comments. That is not how Christ treats His Church. He treasures it. A husband should treasure his wife. He should take every opportunity to build her up and encourage her. He should be her biggest promoter and should take Godly pride when she is successful in any area of life.

"Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her." Pr. 31:28

Another role of the husband is to be his wife's lover. A husband should met his wife's sexual needs. Sex is to be an act of giving, it is being more concerned about fulfilling the needs of the wife than receiving fulfillment. The husband must understand that his wife views sex differently and different things minister to her needs. He must be gentle and kind. He must not be too proud to ask his wife what meets her desires. Researching with Christian, tasteful but detailed books [like Act of Marriage or Intended for Pleasure] is recommended. Note: Trying to use X-rated movies or other  pornographic material to improve the sexually relationship is sinful and extremely harmful to the relationship.

"And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." Gen. 2:25

"The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife." 1 Cor. 7:4

This report is not intended to bring condemnation, but to challenge us. If our relationship is less than it should be, we need to take responsibility, find the Biblical solutions, and then apply them. We may need to humbly seek the forgiveness of our wife for having failed her. Real leaders are humble people. Then we prove the sincerity of our repentance by changing to become Godly husbands. May God help us for with Him all things are possible, but without Him failure is inevitable.

What if a man's wife does not follow his leadership? Should he try to force her to submit? How does Christ deal with His Church when it doesn't submit to Him? Jesus continues to lead. He does not compromise Godly principles to gain cooperation. He continues to love and provide for His Church. His love is shown in His faithfulness and care even when His Church does not deserve it. He does not use violence or manipulation to attempt to force or trick His Church into obedience. Certainly it is a difficult position to be in, but study the actions of Christ with His Church for the principles of how to operate.

Most wives will not have a problem with submission if they know their husbands are genuinely following God and doing their best for their wives and families. Only if the wife is committing a Biblical divorce offense does that become an option. No husband is required to remain married to a woman who deliberately pursues a sinful life-style.

Finally, is the role of the husband different for Christians and non-Christians? No, God's standards in every area of life are the same for His entire human creation. As sinful creatures we will always fall below the perfect standard set by Christ; however, empowered by the Holy Spirit, it should be our goal. We should never be satisfied with less than the best. It is a shame of Christian men that many non-Christians show more love for their wives than they do.

Role of Wife

Courtesy of Free Bible Study.

Like a man, a woman has many roles in life. However, being a wife is her primary role under God. This is the reason she was originally created.

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. Gen. 2:18

This means that the role of a wife is more important than the role of a mother. The role of a mother is vital, but it grows out of and is under the ministry of being a "help meet." This does not mean that a single woman is incomplete. If God asks an adult woman to remain single - either for a season or permanently - in a special way, He becomes her Husband.

There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit... 1 Cor. 7:34

[Side note: The above verse is not saying that sex within marriage is wrong, an inferior way, or "dirty." The main meaning of holy is separated to God. It is simply saying that the unmarried woman is totally separated to God.]

So what is the ministry and role of a wife? She is called to be a helper to her husband. Her husband cannot accomplish his God-given mission without her. She is a vital part of the team that God placed together in a marriage partnership. She should be aware of the vision God has given her husband and her place in it. A Godly woman has her place of authority and honour in bringing God's vision to pass in the sphere of influence in which He has placed them.

What Are Some Of A Wife's Responsibilities?

She is to be a counselor. She is to give her husband sound, Biblical advice. Eve acted as a counselor, which was her role, but she gave evil advice. Adam knew the advice was wrong, but he followed it anyway. The same thing happened with Ahab and Jezebel [1 Kings 21:25]. A woman can have a great influence on her husband's decisions for better or worse. Sometimes she may not be able to explain to her husband why she thinks a course of action is right or wrong. A husband should always take the advice of his wife seriously. Many a husband in pride has ignored his marriage partner's "feelings" to great financial or personal loss.

And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women. Luke 1:28

God spoke to a wife-to-be, Mary, about the coming of the Messiah before He spoke to Joseph. We see the same thing in Judges 13. The Angel of the Lord came and spoke to the wife before her husband.

In Judges 13, Manoah was fearful because of the revelation of God. His marriage partner was able to logically answer her husband's fears.

And Manoah said unto his wife, We shall surely die, because we have seen God. But his wife said unto him, If the LORD were pleased to kill us, he would not have received a burnt offering and a meat offering at our hands, neither would he have shewed us all these things, nor would as at this time have told us such things as these. Judges 13:22-23

As a counselor, a wife should be careful to maintain her relationship with God and knowledge of the Word of God. [The husband, of course, should also have a priority of knowing God as he is directly under Christ.] Many times a women is more spiritually sensitive [Matt. 15:28]. That is a blessing...but also a danger - which is one reason why she must submit to her husband. She may also expand her knowledge by studying specific areas that her husband is likely to need counsel.

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. Pr. 31:30

A wife is also a helper. She assists her husband to accomplish God's mission for their lives. She has authority under her husband. The two marriage partners are to be united in one purpose - serving Christ in whatever way He was designed.

Proverbs 31 Woman

Proverbs 31 is the classic picture of a wife in the position God has designed for her. It should be noted that every one has different talents and abilities. The idea is one of partnership, hard work, and diligence, not that every wife should be a real estate agent or business woman.

What are some quick points we see about this honoured marriage partner?

1. Vs. 10 She is more valuable to her husband that any other person or thing on the planet. Many a husband has lost his marriage partner or hurt his marriage because he has failed to appreciate the wonderful gift from God that she really is. A Godly woman is a treasure to be sought [Pr. 12:4, 18:22, 19:14]. If a woman wants a Godly husband she should make sure she is the kind of Godly woman that such men seek for.

2. Vs. 11-12 She is trustworthy. Her husband can go to work or look after other matters of life, confident that his marriage partner is competently and diligently working for their mutual benefit. No matter what she is doing, he knows that she is doing her best and not wasting her time or their resources.

3. Vs. 13, 19, 27 She is not afraid of work to provide for her family. If she is not talented at making clothes, she may search the second hand stores for good quality clothes for her family. New things are nice but, especially if funds are tight, she is creative at getting the best for her husband and family at reasonable cost.

4. Vs. 14, 18 She knows where the food and other sales are. She also knows if it will cost more in gas and time than the savings for travelingfrom store to store. She knows how to find nutritious food to keep her family healthy.

5. Vs. 15, 21 She is diligent to look after everyone under her care. She is concerned that they are treated fairly.

6. Vs. 16, 24 She has a good business sense. She knows what she can do to turn a good and fair profit. She may operate a home business, plant a garden, or do any of a million other things to help and strengthen herhome.

7. Vs. 20 She is compassionate and willing to help those in trouble. She is not so wrapped up in her husband and her family that she cannot see the needs of others. She can see the big picture and the place of her family in it.

8. Vs. 22 She does not neglect herself. She knows how to care for her appearance and dress beautifully.

9. Vs. 23 Her husband is a well-respected man of honour. He is known in his area of influence as a wise and trustworthy man.

10. Vs. 25-26 She is wise and knows how to control her tongue. She is an encourager and a person who builds her family and others. [Pr. 14:1]

11. Vs. 28-30 Her children and her husband respect and admire her.

12. Vs. 31 She has earned many blessings and rewards and should be allowed to enjoy them to the fullest. A husband should be delighted when his wife receives recognition and praise.

13. She can have a position of ministry in the church. [Ex. 15:20, Judges 4:4, 2 Kings 22:14, Luke 2:36, Ex. 35:22-29, Phil. 4:3]

What About Submission?

This is sometimes used as a tool to manipulate and control. What does God really mean by submission?

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Eph. 5:22 [Eph. 5:24, Col. 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1]

Does this mean she is a servant - or a slave - to her husband's whims? No. The husband is to be in submission to Christ and His Word. [There is never a time when any human being is not to be in submission to someone!] The wife is a co-ruler with him. They are a team, a partnership for building the Kingdom of God. God designed them to be interdependent [1 Cor. 11:11-12] not independent. The female marriage partner is like the Vice-President. She has her realm of authority under the direction of her husband. God has a line of authority and her husband is ultimately responsible directly to God for everything that goes on under his care. It is team work; however, someone must have the final say and responsibility. God has chosen that this is the husband. His wife should recognize this heavy responsibility and help him bear it.

Does a wife have to obey her husband if she disagrees with his decision[s]? As with any partnership, every effort should be made to reach an ethical agreement or compromise. However, if an agreement cannot be reached then a Godly lady must follow her husband's decision as long as the decision is not in violation of the Word of God. If the decision is in direct violation of God's Word, then the higher priority of following God means respectful disobedience is required. [There is never a time when a wife can treat her husband with disrespect or contempt.]

What happens if the wife is married to an ungodly man?

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 1 Cor. 7:14

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation [Old English for entire lifestyle] of the wives... 1 Peter 3:1

The non-Christian husband must still be submitted to. Sometimes wives try to win their ungodly husbands to Christ by criticism, "witnessing", trying to force him to go to church, etc. Loving submission - as to Christ - and a Godly lifestyle are the best witnesses. Only if the husband is committing a Biblical divorce offense does that become an option. [See Divorce: God's Protection For The Innocent]. No woman is required to be submissive to an abusive husband.

One further note: A wife [specific woman] is to be submissive to her husband [specific man]. It is not saying that a woman is to be submissive to every man. [Num. 26:6]

What does a wife have the right to expect from her husband? - trustworthy man of God and honour [Mal. 2:14, Eph. 5:23] - protection - financially, physically, emotionally [Eph. 5:25] - priority relationship [ Gen. 2:24, Matt. 19:5] - love [Col. 3:19, Eph. 5: 25, 33] - sex [Gen. 2:25, Ex. 21:10, 1 Cor. 7:2-4] - provision [Ex. 21:10] - consideration [1 Peter 3:7] - respect [no belittling remarks] [1 Peter 3:7, Deut. 22:16-19] - co-operation [1 Peter 3:7]*

Note: The many teachings of Scripture on how Christians are to treat each other have a special application to marriage.

*Expectations - I'll follow up on this in another post as I've been pondering upon it.

...love their husbands, to love their children...

The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keeepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:3-5)

Conversation and someone said love your husband, I said it's respect, no love as in love your husband, love your children.  Okay, so I got 'schooled' in a good way. :-D

Which is really sad, since that's the sub on this blog.  I want to 'tear' the whole thing apart, but will content myself with:


Tit 2:4  That G2443 they may teach the young women to be sober, G4994 G3588 G3501 to (G1511) love their husbands, G5362 to love their children, G5388 

I was going to skip over that - I mean that seems pretty routine and understandable, right?

that - G2443 - Probably from the same as the former part of G1438 (through the demonstrative idea; compare G3588); in order that (denoting the purpose or the result).

• G1438 - (Including all the other cases); from a reflexive pronoun otherwise obsolete and the genitive (dative or accusative) of G846; him (her, it, them, also [in conjunction with the personal pronoun of the other persons] my, thy, our, your) -self (-selves), etc.
• G3588 - The masculine, feminine (second) and neuter (third) forms, in all their inflections; the definite article; the (sometimes to be supplied, at others omitted, in English idiom).

Denoting purpose or result?  That's almost like a therefore, aye? Context is K-I-N-G.  Always.  Without question.  Never, ever take a verse out of context.  Always (really) read the verses before and after, and if necessary the chapters before and after.  God is a God of order, reading one verse and trying to 'read' into it is the cause of many questionable practices and 'doctrines.'

they (who? the aged women) may teach the young women to be sober - with not one or two Greek words indicated, but three.

G4994 - From G4998; to make of sound mind, that is, (figuratively) to discipline or correct. (Used on 1x)

• G4998 - From the base of G4982 and that of G5424; safe (sound) in mind, that is, self controlled (moderate as to opinion or passion).
• G4982 - From a primary word σῶς sōs̄ (contraction for the obsolete σάος saos, “safe”); to save, that is, deliver or protect (literally or figuratively).
• G5424 - Probably from an obsolete φράω phraō (to rein in or curb; compare G5420); the midrif (as a partition of the body), that is, (figuratively and by implication of sympathy) the feelings (or sensitive nature; by extension [also in the plural] the mind or cognitive faculties).

G3588 - wait that one is referenced ^! (Ha!  Used 8497x in 4721 verses)

G3501 - A primary word, including the comparative (second form); “new”, that is, (of persons) youthful, or (of things) fresh; figuratively regenerate. (Used 24x in 20 verses)

to - G1511 - Present infinitive from G1510; to exist.

• G1510 - First person singular present indicative; a prolonged form of a primary and defective verb; I exist (used only when emphatic).

love their husbands - G5362 - From G5384 and G435; fond of man, that is, affectionate as a wife. (Used 1x)

• G5384 - Properly dear, that is, a friend; actively fond, that is, friendly (still as a noun, an associate, neighbor, etc.). (Used 29x in 27 verses - I'll come back to this one.)
• G435 - A primary word (compare G444); a man (properly as an individual male).

to love their children - G5388 - From G5384 and G5043; fond of one’s children, that is, maternal.

• G5384 - wait that one is referenced ^!
• G5043 - From the base of G5098; a child (as produced).
• G5098 - From G5097; vindication, that is, (by implication) a penalty. (Say what?)
• G5097 - From a compound of G5092 and οὖρος ouros (a guard); properly to protect one’s honor, that is, to avenge (inflict a penalty.

I was boggled by G5384 - friend, but the root of child stepped up the feeling.  I'll focus on the friend topic.

Here are a few of the verses which had the same word translated from G5384:

Joh 15:14  Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. 

Joh 15:15  Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you. 

Jas 2:23  And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God. 

So ladies...what an admonishment and exhortation!  I thought for sure the 'love' would be agape or phileo and it didn't even come close!  Though I suppose it could be a phileo type of love.  It gives a deeper and richer sense to 'loving' though - a friend, being a friend, acting like a friend, what a beautiful foundation for a relationship.  A steady base to weather the storms of life as a couple grows and matures together.  Especially if their friendship is build upon the Rock.

I enjoyed Gill's commentary:

Titus 2:4  That they may teach the young women to be sober,.... Or to be chaste, modest, and temperate; or to be wise and prudent in their conduct to their husbands, and in the management of family affairs, who have had a large experience of these things before them. 

To love their husbands; to help and assist them all they can; to seek their honour and interest; to endeavour to please them in all things; to secure peace, harmony, and union; to carry it affectionately to them, and sympathize with them in all afflictions and distresses; for this is not so much said in opposition to placing their affections on other men, and to the defilement of the marriage bed, as to moroseness and ill nature. 


To love their children; not with a fond, foolish, loose, and ungoverned affection; but so as to seek their real good, and not only their temporal, but spiritual and eternal welfare; to bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord; and to use and keep proper discipline and government over them; for otherwise, amidst all the fondness of natural affection, a parent may be said to hate a child, Pro_13:24.